Why are we drawn to things that have visual and tactile appeal?
Our style and appearance–why should we even care?
Note: This is a longer post–here is an overview of the topics I cover:
- Men’s style across time
- First impressions
- Why the resistance?
- Style isn’t just about clothes
- Style doesn’t always mean “dressing up”
- What style and appearance can do for you–and why you should care
- Upgrade your style, change your life
We enjoy looking at things that are well-designed, look good, and function well. We like looking at a well-designed sports car more than a 1998 Ford Taurus. People pay a fee to see the Grand Canyon, but not to look at a landfill.
Humans appreciate beauty and things that appeal to our senses.
“Aesthetics” is a sub-discipline of philosophy. Companies spend millions of dollars on the design of products, and even on the design of the package they come in. That’s because our eyes are naturally drawn to good design, and we make quick value judgments based on those appearances.
Virginia Postrel, in her book The Substance of Style, explores the way appearance and design is fundamental across all aspects of culture–not just in fashion, but in real estate and architecture, politics, economics, etc. She argues that appearances drive our decisions and our perceptions on how we eat, drink, what we drive, where we live, how we invest money, how we vote, and yes, even how we dress.
And yet, many men have been conditioned to think that their own appearance doesn’t matter, or at least shouldn’t matter. They believe that a “real man” doesn’t care how he looks or what others think of him.
Why is that? Why the resistance to being intentional about our appearance? Our style and appearance–why should we even care?
Men’s style across time
This resistance is actually a recent phenomenon. Throughout history, men across nearly all cultures have paid great attention to their appearance and style. They knew how it conveys confidence, status, and authority.
Look at pictures of Maasai warriors, paintings of British kings, at NBA players, or even the cast of Peaky Blinders.
Not that you’d want to actually dress like any of these guys, but you can’t deny that they paid attention to their appearance. They were intentional, and knew what they wanted to accomplish.
These men knew what they were conveying with their appearance, what story they were telling. These are examples of men who wanted to communicate power, wealth, influence, perhaps to intimidate their foes.
That may not be your story, or mine, but how we dress and how we present ourselves does tell a story, whether we intend it to or not. The question is whether we take ownership of our own story and identity, and are intentional about how we tell it, or whether we surrender our story for others to tell, based on their assumptions about us.
First impressions
If you google “first impressions,” you’ll see some sources claiming that people form a judgment about others within Seven Seconds of meeting them. The timeframe may vary a little, and the kinds of decisions people make about you are not as uniform as some claim, but I think we can agree that first impressions matter. And people form those impressions very quickly. After those first impressions, everything else we do or say is about confirming or reframing those impressions.
This extends to products and not just people. Companies spend a great deal of money on packaging. In the grocery store aisle, with so many choices for one product or another, we often make choices based on what catches our eye.
A common proverb, one we’re taught from childhood, is “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” This is usually meant as a metaphor for not making quick assumptions about people. As a rule, it is good advice. First impressions may not tell a complete, or even accurate story.
And yet, realistically, people do judge books by their cover. We can’t help it. With actual books, in fact. The way a book cover looks is our first impression, and may instantly inform whether we pick it up or not. A great design for a book’s dust cover can make or break its success. Publishers invest heavily with time and money to create compelling designs for book covers, because they know it matters. Even digital books on Amazon have a thumbnail photo of the cover, and it influences whether you spend more or less time looking at it. There is a direct connection between covers and sales success.
It is not a matter of whether people should make judgments on appearances. It is simply that that we do. We can argue and resist that all we want, but style and appearance matters.
To be sure, a book’s cover is not more important than its contents…
…but that doesn’t mean it isn’t important at all.
And with regard to our own appearance, our style is not the most important thing about us. Not even close. Our character, our beliefs, our actions, our words–these matter much more.
But that does not mean that style and appearance is not important at all. Especially style for men in mid-life.
This is sometimes the false dichotomy we create. That it has to be all one or the other. All style and no substance. Or all substance and no style.
Why not some degree of balance? Our style is not an end in itself. It can simply be a tool we use, with some intentionality, to give the rest of our characteristics a chance to shine. As I noted in an earlier blog post, our style is part of our Ethos of Leadership.
So why the resistance?
Suggesting that style and appearance matters is controversial. People, especially men, can react defensively, even angrily. I get it. Some may be angry with me even for posting something like this. Our style and appearance–why should we even care?
Some men will say things like:
Real men don’t care how they look
Rules don’t apply to me
My wife picks out my clothes
I have my own style
Comfort is the only thing that matters
I don’t care what others think about me
Appearance shouldn’t matter
Caring about style is girly or effeminate
Attitudes and statements like this are a pretty recent phenomenon. Prior to the 1970s or so, men across the socioeconomic spectrum gave attention to their style and dash.
Consider even these Working Class Guys from the 1920s or so. They’re not fancy or pretentious, but there is a certain rugged style and intentionality to the way they present themselves. They look confident and cool.
Or take a look at this photo of my dad (on the left), my uncles, and grandfather from the early 1960s:
Their look is casual, but not sloppy. Even my grandfather (on the right), is wearing the working man’s “uniform” of the time. His clothes are dirty and worn, like he just came from the tractor in the field (which he probably did). But he somehow still manages a put-together style and attitude. He’s even got a pen in his pocket–because the farmer/businessperson never knows when they need to shift from using a wrench to signing a contract.
I can’t imagine any of these men saying they don’t care how they look.
We could only hope to look as cool. And the car! How sweet is that?
Perhaps personal style and appearance shouldn’t matter. But it does. Saying it shouldn’t doesn’t change that. It matters. Our brains are wired to process visual and sensory input, and to make judgments based on that input. The question is not whether it matters (since it does), but whether you are in control of this part of your life. You can respond by resisting the importance of appearance, by saying you don’t care. Or you can exercise control and intentionality, and make it work for you. Being intentional about how you present yourself is simply leveraging another tool in your box of resources to help you accomplish your goals.
Getting dressed and putting on clothes is one of the things we will do every day of our lives. If we’re going to have to do it anyway, why not educate ourselves a bit and do it as well as we can?
Style and appearance isn’t just about clothing
Some assume that “style” refers only to clothing and fashion. Style and fashion aren’t even the same thing. “Fashion” is fleeting and trendy. “Style” is personal, timeless, and conveys identity. And it is so much more than clothes.
Style doesn’t have to mean dressing up, and wearing a suit or tie. This is a common misperception. The men in the photo above are dressed casually, yet with style. We dress and present ourselves for all kinds of occasions and activities. Why not be intentional about it?
Here are several aspects of style that go beyond clothing:
- Manners and demeanor–how we speak, our tone of voice, how we greet others, and treat others, our manners and etiquette, these are all part of our style, of the way of being that we are known for.
- Attitude and confidence–being positive, confident, and humble at the same time–these are the things that have always been admired in people of influence. You get to choose the attitude and demeanor you present to the world.
- Physical condition–Our clothes are what people first see, but the clothes reside on a body. How we care for our body matters. We don’t have to become a ripped physical specimen, but it helps our overall appearance and lifestyle if we care for ourselves as well as we can. Exercise and diet make a difference.
- Being interesting!–You know the gentleman in the Corona beer ads, the “most interesting man in the world”? Besides the fact that he wasn’t real and was just a character in an ad–How did he become so interesting? He did stuff, he knew things, he had been places, he had interests. You can add to your personal style by simply being informed, reading, having interests, and taking an interest in others.
What others would you add?
What style and appearance can do for you–and why should we even care?
- Attention to detail–learning a few basic principles around style and the way we present ourselves can help you gain attention to detail. Little things like matching your belt with the color of your shoes, paying attention to how things fit, shining shoes when they need it, knowing when to tuck or untuck a shirt, trimming things like your fingernails, your eyebrows, and your freakin’ nose hair–things like this show attention to detail, and communicate that you probably care about other details in your life. This matters to employers, your mate, and others around you.
- Self-awareness–when you learn to pay attention to your clothes, grooming, and other elements of style, it spills into self-awareness in other ways. You become more aware of your inner life, your thoughts, the words you say.
- Confidence–when you know you look good, you feel good. You know you’re presenting your best self, and this gives you confidence. This helps you perform better and accomplish your goals.
- Personal responsibility–taking responsibility for your appearance and how you present yourself helps you increase in responsibility in other areas of your life. Learning enough about clothes so you can develop a personal style, rather than just defaulting to whatever clothes are given you. Keeping track of shoes that need shining, or buttons that need replacing, spots that need to be removed–these are as important as caring for your tools, or keeping your car clean. More important, actually, since most people will never see your tools or the inside of your car. But they will see how you present yourself every day.
Upgrade your style, change your life
Your style and appearance does matter. It is how you present yourself to the world. This includes your clothes, your grooming, and overall demeanor. These are the first things that others will see and notice about you. Like it or not, people will make decisions about you based on these things. Taking ownership of your style is a way of having control over your own story, telling who you are in your own way. Style is not the most important thing about you–not even close. But paying some attention to it can give the rest of who you are a chance to shine.
Tell your own story, create your own Ethos. Upgrade your style, change your life.
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