Finding your voice–how to improve the way you sound
If you’re like most people, you don’t like the sound of your own voice.
It is disturbing to think that the one thing that most readily identifies us, is something we don’t even like.
What is your reaction when you hear your voice on a recording? Many people react in horror–Is that what I really sound like? Mickey Mouse come to life?
The good news is that it doesn’t have to be this way. There are things we can do to actually improve the sound of our own voice. This would include the voice you hear and the one others hear (and they aren’t the same).
“Finding” your voice?
For some time, a common expression you hear is “Finding your voice.” Most of the time, this is metaphorical. When used that way, it refers to developing your perspective and opinions, and finding ways to speak up and share them. It refers to gaining traction with what you want to communicate to the world. In this sense, it relates more to the content of what you say or write, than it does with the literal voice you use to express those things.
In this post, I’m considering some perspectives on why our voice–the way we sound–matters to our lives. I’ll include some tips on ways you can develop your voice and improve your life.
I’ll cover these topics:
- My own story
- The importance of our voice to our lives
- Why we sound the way we do (and often don’t like it)
- How to improve our voice and use it to our advantage.
Developing your voice versus finding your voice
Your voice isn’t lost–it isn’t something you need to go searching for, and “find” somewhere. You have a voice, one you were born with, and it has been shaped in response to your environment.
I want you to learn how your voice has developed, and some basic principles and things you can do to make improvements.
My own story
Truth in advertising–I’m not satisfied with how I sound either! It isn’t like I’ve styled my voice to sound like Morgan Freeman. Far from it. But I’m still on my own journey of improving my voice, and I’m inviting you along.
Most of my adult career has involved speaking and teaching. I have learned some things along the way, and as with many things, I find that I simply need to practice what I know. Writing about them here, and teaching you what I know, is one way for me to do that. The teacher learns more than the student.
When I was younger, in my 30s, I developed nodules on my vocal chords. Nodules are small, benign growths, like a callous. This was a result of misusing my voice in speaking and in singing. Incorrect technique created damage and resulted in my having to get treatment. Surgery to remove them was one option, one I didn’t really want to take. Vocal therapy and voice lessons was another option. The idea being that with therapy, the nodules can go away on their own.
So, I worked with a voice therapist/coach for some period of time (and at some expense).
And it worked–my nodules went away, and I learned some techniques and principles for using my voice correctly and more effectively.
All this to say, while I’m not a voice expert, I am someone who takes voice and speaking seriously. Like you, I want to present myself in the best way possible. My voice is a significant part of that. And I have had at least some experience in this area. More recently, I’ve revisited the importance of our voice to our lives, and have reviewed helpful tips that I can pass along to you. I will also point you toward other experts and resources that can help you in this area as well.
Not just what you say, but how you say it
I’m aware that many of my readers are also professionals who speak, teach, and regularly use their voices as part of their job.
Many of us are taught to think that the words we use, and the ideas we express, are what people listen to. That these are the only things that matter.
Your words do matter, of course. But I want to help you think of the ways you say them, and how you sound when you say them, as being equally important.
Who would you rather listen to for an hour–Morgan Freeman or Mickey Mouse? Yeah, there’s a reason Mickey is seen much more than heard 🙂
But your goal shouldn’t be to sound like either one of them! I want each one of us to sound like our own best self. I want us to develop and use our voice to express our own unique identity.
If you are one of those who don’t like the sound of your voice–why not do something about it?
My goal is to help my readers live as adults with confidence and style. Feeling confident in the way we speak, and how we sound, can be a huge part of that.
If you read Part I, you may recall that part of my own story included overcoming a case of vocal chord nodules when I was in my 30s. I engaged in vocal therapy and voice lessons, and learned quite a lot about effective use of our voice. Also, most of my adult career has involved speaking, teaching, and presenting. So yes, I use my voice for a living.
All that to say, I may not have the most impressive voice ever myself, but I’ve learned some things along the way, and continue to work on it. I want to help you as well, to be as confident in your voice as possible.
The importance of our voice to our lives
In this section, I simply want to direct attention to the importance of our voice, and the role it plays in our success in life.
Your voice has been with you since you were born. One of your first acts as a human being, as a crying infant moments after birth, was to use your voice. You’ve been using it ever since.
One of the most recognizable features of our identity is our voice. It is distinctive, and like fingerprints, the only one exactly like it. People can identify you by your voice alone. Police agencies even utilize voice recognition experts and equipment to identify and prosecute suspects.
I have made the case in earlier posts that people make judgments or assumptions about us based on our overall appearance, within seconds of meeting us. This includes the way we’re dressed, our grooming, fitness (or lack of), and general bearing. These things are part of our overall Ethos.
Our voice is part of our overall Ethos–how we present ourselves to the world.
It is one of the things most important for creating our first impression. The words we say upon meeting someone are important, of course, but just as important is our voice–the sound, tone, volume, accent, etc.
Noted celebrity voice coach Roger Love says, “People won’t remember what you said. They will only remember how you made them feel when you said it.”
I wrote an earlier series of posts on the Rhetoric of leadership and influence. This included posts on Influencing with our Words (logos), Influencing with Emotion (pathos), and Influencing with our Ethos (the way we exude credibility and trustworthiness).
Our voice is connected to all three of these vehicles for influence.
We use our voice to communicate the words that express our thoughts. The way we speak and the sound of our voice is instrumental in creating emotions in our hearers. And of course they way our voice sounds is one of the ways people determine our credibility and trustworthiness).
Again, people will remember how we make them feel more than they remember the words we say. And our voice is the most important element of creating those feelings. Words alone may be able to convey feeling and emotion, but when combined with effective voice communication, the words and their sound are a powerful combination.
You’ve heard this before, no doubt, but it is helpful to think of your voice as an instrument. Thinking of it this way can be helpful in gaining a better understanding of how our voice works.
Two of the basic categories of musical instruments are wind and string instruments.Your voice actually involves both of those. The vocal chords are like an instrument with strings. But it is air that makes those strings vibrate, rather than plucking or striking them.
One instrument for comparison would be an accordion.
Air is pumped in and out, blowing across a series of reeds, which vibrate to create the sound. Another, less complex example would be a harmonica. In this case the reeds vibrate and create sound in direct response to human breath blowing in and out.
Yet another, and perhaps even more apropos example would be the bagpipes. In this case, rather than blowing directly on the reeds (as with a harmonica) the piper blows to fill the bag with air. The controlled air-flow from the bag then vibrates the drone reeds of the pipes. This could compare with the way we fill our diaphragm with breath, and then release it across our vocal chords to create the sound of our voice.
The bagpipes, incidentally, have a range of just nine notes, which is still a lot more than the range of notes most people use when they speak.
Well, I suppose you never thought of yourself as a bagpipe. I like bagpipes (not everyone does), but I don’t want to sound like bagpipes when I talk!
So, I need to take control of playing my own vocal instrument, just as you do. This may take practice, and learning some basic principles of how the instrument works.
Why we sound the way we do
As I noted already, many people–probably most–do not like the sound of their own voice.
Most of us don’t think about our voice until we hear ourselves on a recording. Oddly enough, even surrounded by a wealth of communications technology, this doesn’t happen very often. During COVID, many of us have been regularly using zoom calls or other means of communication. Sometimes those calls may have even been recorded for some purpose, but rarely do we listen to them.
A time when people encounter their own voice is when they record the message for their voicemail. I can testify to the groans and shudders of disgust our voicemails create. Of course, everyone else thinks our voicemails are fine, because they’re used to hearing us!
So, we re-record over and over to create a voice message more pleasing to our own ears. We adjust our voice as best we can until we get it right, or until we give up.
Then we go back to not thinking anymore about how we sound–until we hear ourselves on recording, and still not liking it.
Don’t feel bad. Even famous people–ones who are famous for using their voice, such as actors and singers–often do not like the sound of their voice either. Or, they’re ok with it because they are used to hearing soundtracks of themselves.
But why? Why do we sound the way we do?
Part of it is because what you hear and what everyone else hears is not the same. The voice we hear as it comes from our own lips is a result of a series of processes within our own body, and is not what everyone else is hearing from us.
You know how people with certain psychological problems hear voices within their heads? Well, all of us hear a voice within our head–and it is our own!
The sound of our voice starts with breath in our diaphragm, and vibrates our vocal chords as it moves through our throats. Our tongue, lips and teeth shape the sound into speech that we recognize. It also resonates within the bone and flesh of our own body, especially our skull, and our ears are ensconced in that skull. So, our ears process the sound within our head, rather than the one that is traveling through the air that others hear.
It is not a different voice; it just sounds different to us than to literally everyone else.
We are the only ones who hear the way our voice sounds as it resonates within our skull.
When others hear our voice, the sound has been altered by traveling through the air and then being picked up by their ears. The air affects the sound as it is heard by others. They are not hearing what is bouncing around within your head.
What’s happening is that the voice we “hear” is simply the one we’re accustomed to. When we hear ourselves on a recording, it is simply unfamiliar to us. Our voice likely sounds “deeper” to ourselves than it does to others. When we hear a recording of our voice, we’re hearing what others hear. Its unfamiliarity is disconcerting. If our voice sounds deeper to ourselves than to others, then learning that it actually sounds more high-pitched to others can create a crisis of vocal identity.
The thing is, other people aren’t bothered at all by your voice.
That is simply what they are used to hearing from you as, and it sounds quite normal to them. In fact, they may already like it very much!
The ironic thing is that most people don’t like the sound of their voice when they know it is a recording of themselves. One study revealed that people may actually like it better when they DON’T know it is theirs! This 2013 study with 80 participants played for them a mix of voice recordings, and unbeknownst to them their own voice was included. A result was that participants often rated their own voice, when they did not know it was theirs, as being more attractive than others had rated it.
So maybe we like the sound of our voice more than we think we do! At least when we don’t know that it is us.
So perhaps the problem is not the voice itself, but rather how we perceive it.
So what do we do about that?
One response might be simply to accept our voice as it is and get used to it. One way to do that is to listen to your recorded voice often enough that your ear becomes attuned to it. According to the cited study, you might even grow to like it once you’re used to hearing it.
The other response might be to work on developing your voice so that it sounds more the way you want it to. Record yourself and listen to the way you sound, no matter how distasteful it may seem at first. Use that to identify the things you would like to work on. Too high-pitched? Too nasally? Too fast or slow, and reliance on “crutch” words?
All of these things, and more, can improve with some attention to your vocal instrument.
How to improve your voice
In this final section, I’ll cover some tips and principles for getting the most from the voice you have, and even for improving the way you sound–to yourself and to others. This is where we have a chance to get practical.
First, remember that your voice is actually an instrument.
It is not just “like” an instrument–it IS an instrument. And like any instrument, practicing with it and using it properly will give you the confidence that you are communicating the way you want.
Most musicians “tune up” and “warm up” with their instrument before playing. You can benefit from the same thing with your voice. Or, you could compare it to the warmup exercises that athletes do before performing. I’m aware that more of my readers are public speakers than singers. Singers commonly warm up their voices, so why not speakers?
Some ideas for warming up your voice include:
- Take some deep breaths and loosen and relax your upper body.
- Humming. Try a sustained “humming” sound. Then do the same while modulating from low to high and back. Do this several times, and you’ll notice a difference. Humming and other exercises can be done first thing in the morning, before you start to use your voice. Also prior to a speech or presentation.
- Make a “Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba” sound, starting low, and then going higher on the musical scale. Go up and down several times.
- Lip trills. Yes, like the motorboat sound you made in the bathtub as a kid. Again, modulate from low to high and back.
There are a number of other warm-up exercises you could do, but even these would give you a start and help you to feel more control over your voice.
If you’d like more information, here are a couple of helpful instructional videos that give some more ideas for vocal warm-ups for speakers:
Breathe!
You’ll sound better if you remember to breathe! I’m talking about filling your “diaphram,” so that you feel your abdomen protrude.
Sometimes, especially when we’re nervous, we forget to breathe or just breathe shallowly in our upper chest. What happens then is that we’re forcing our vocal chords to create sound without enough air. This can make your voice sound thin, strained, and weak.
When you breathe from your diaphragm, you should then speak (or sing) only when your stomach is coming back in. Think of an accordion–the sound is produced by pumping air through the instrument.
- Drop your jaw when you pronounce vowels, giving yourself more of a full sound
- Avoid talking through clenched teeth and lips. Use your whole mouth to create the sounds you want.
Use variety of pitch
An appealing voice moves people emotionally. Remember–people remember how you make them feel, more than they remember your actual words. To accomplish this, you’ve got to create interest by using a range of pitch. Many people actually speak in monotone, or just one or two ranges of pitch.
Vary your pitch from low to high, but try to do it without “sliding.” Using pauses effectively gives you some spaces to move your pitch up and down for interest and emphasis. Sometimes people speak in a stream of words, without pausing either for breath or for emphasis.
It is helpful to use pauses, and to slow down your vocal speed. This not only gives your listeners time to process what you’re saying, but it also gives you a chance to create emphasis, and maybe even a little drama. Pretend that the sentences you speak have verbal punctuation. When you write, you create punctuation that separates your thoughts. You create clauses by using commas, and end sentences with periods.
Do the same thing with your voice, creating verbal punctuation. This gives space to breathe, and to create interest and emphasis in what you’re saying.
Record your voice
If you REALLY want to work on your voice, and craft the way you want to sound, record your voice and study it. Some of my readers speak or preach regularly already, and are often recorded. How often do you listen to the recordings in order to improve your voice and presentation?
I had made the point that many people don’t like the sound of their voice. As a result, they may avoid creating recordings and listening to them. But doing this is one of the best ways to identify the things you want to work on.
Remember, you can take action to create the voice you want to have!
We often think that our voice is something we’re born with, and it cannot be changed. Well-known voice coach Roger Love insists that we’re not stuck with the way we sound, and that we can develop the speaking voice we want to have, and sound the way we want to.
Our voice is shaped when we’re young by the sounds around us. We grow up imitating those sounds. That’s why people often have a voice that sounds similar to their parents. This makes sense, because our parents’ voice is what we hear regularly from infancy.
And yet, that may not be the way we WANT to sound.
The best way to honestly assess how you sound to others (not to yourself), is to make a short recording of your voice. Speaking spontaneously, or even reading a couple of paragraphs will work.
Then, make a list of what you’re hearing:
- Too high-pitched?
- Too nasal?
- Monotone?
- Too light and “airy” (the opposite of not getting enough air)?
- Not enough air on the other hand often results in “vocal fry,” or a gravelly type of sound.
You may notice these or other less desirable qualities by listening to a recording of yourself. It may be a little painful to face up to it, but remember, this is what everyone else is hearing already. If you don’t like it, then make a plan to do something about it!
Recording your voice and doing a self-diagnosis of what you’d like to work on is an effective first step.
Roger Love notes that we all have different voices for the different roles in our lives. These include:
- Professional voice (teacher, boss, etc.)
- Friend/social voice
- Family/parent/grandparent voice
- Relational/romantic voice
Know what voice you want to use for different situations and roles. Develop that voice so that you can be more effective in every area of your life.
Summary and call to action
Remember these key points:
- Your voice is an instrument, so take care of it and treat it like one.
- Use vocal warm-ups
- Remember to breathe, and to speak when you’re letting your breath out.
- Practice using variety of pitch, and use effective pauses.
- Record your voice, and create a self-diagnosis of the things you’d like to improve.
There are many helpful vocal resources available these days. I have mentioned celebrity voice coach Roger Love. He offers many free resources (see below for his website and videos); I’ve listened to many of these and found them helpful reminders of things I had learned in voice training years ago.
Another resource would be something like Toastmasters International, which has a great history of helping people develop as public speakers. I’ve linked below to a document produced by Toastmasters on developing your speaking voice, that goes into much more detail if you’re interested. A google search will yield many other helpful resources, so just find things that work for you. I hope that this blog series at least motivates you to take some action for yourself.
Your voice is yours–to use and develop as you wish.
Take control of it and make it one of your most valuable tools for success and confidence in any Season of Life!
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Toastmasters International homepageTips for adding strength and authority to your voice (Toastmasters resource)
