Is 50 really the new 40?
You’ve heard it, or maybe said it yourself:
- 50 is the new 40!
- 40 is the new 30!
- 60 is the new 50!
Why not trim a few more years off, and settle in at 60 is the new 40? Or 35? Aging backwards like Benjamin Button!
As one who has now passed all of those numbers, I think about these things. There are a couple of reasons these maxims get tossed around.
One is because on average, people really do live longer than in times past.
The average life expectancy for American men, as recently as 1945, was just 63.6 years. For example, President Franklin Roosevelt died in 1945, at age 63–very much a man of his time.
I am now 64, so I have passed the bar set for 1945. I hope to come closer or to surpass the current average male life expectancy of around 78 years. Think of how much that has improved just since 1945! People really are living longer. The number of people living to age 100 or more is rapidly increasing.
Another reason for this maxim is that many people these days, but certainly not all, may feel and look better and younger at older ages than in the past.
Better health care, more attention to everything from diet and exercise to skin care, has helped many people seem more youthful and just look better than ever. Much of this results from lifestyle maintenance or changes, and just better habits (like not smoking cigarettes, the way Franklin Roosevelt did for most of his life). Certainly, many in midlife find themselves with unwelcome health challenges. But on average there are increasing examples of people who look and feel better than they have in years. They may in fact feel ten years younger than they are, which is great–as long as they remember that they are not actually ten years younger.
Yet another reason for the maxim is that advancing years, especially birthdays ending in zero, simply make people uncomfortable.
They may slip into some denial, and hope for time to work backwards somehow. As if redefining 50 can somehow transform it into 40.
I propose that the maxims are well-intentioned, but simplistic and not the right way to think about it.
How about instead of transforming 50 into the new 40, we focus on defining what the new 50 looks like?
By defining the way we think about age continually downward, we fall prey to thinking that it would be better to be younger. As in, if you’re 50, why not 40?
What, and miss all the great things you experienced in your 40s, on the way to age 50?
Perhaps the way we think about aging is more important than just the number of years.
Frequently, people feel a need to hide their age, or to minimize it by thinking of their age as something less than what it really is. This is understandable, given how our society celebrates youth. Even the economy builds around advertising toward the interests of the youth culture, those aged 18-34 (even though they may have less disposable income).
The fact is, despite many 50 year olds being healthier, and looking and feeling better than in past generations, there are realities that come with achieving these milestone birthdays.
Each year that passes, and especially each decade that passes, brings perspectives that simply aren’t possible for those who are in a younger cohort.
While we do live longer, as we age it sinks in that we don’t live forever. We think about mortality more often, and in more specific terms. Passing from this life is not just an abstract experience of humanity. It is something that will happen to us.
This doesn’t have to be depressing; it is just a reality that we come to accept. It often first hits some people in their 40s, and creates a crisis response. The so-called “Midlife Crisis” occurs when people realize their youth has slipped away and their life has been half-lived (or more).
Some respond by trying to recapture their youthful self. But that can only last so long. After another decade or so we may settle in more comfortably to the realities of whatever age we are.
So when someone says, “But wait–50 is the new 40,” it is pretty tempting to want to flip the calendar back ten years or so and pretend that maybe that is true.
No, 50 is 50. Just like 60 is 60 (as I more recently found out).
But is that such a bad thing? I don’t think so! There is a certain freedom in taking ownership of whatever age you are. Not minimizing it or winding it back. And certainly not throwing up your hands and making it seem older than it really is.
At age 40, 50, or 60 we have achieved developmental milestones. We’ve experienced life in ways that someone ten or fifteen years younger than ourselves cannot yet fully understand. There is wisdom and perspective that comes with these experiences. A person aged 50 knows things that someone ten or fifteen years younger may not know or have experienced. Looking and feeling younger than our age, if we are so fortunate (not everyone is), does not mean we actually are younger or have flipped back the calendar. You’re still going to be 50, and that’s ok.
Often, in midlife, people have watched their children grow to adulthood, perhaps have added grandchildren to their family. People in midlife have experienced loss. Many have changed careers, some multiple times. By those midlife years we have gained experiences, skills, and perspectives that can only come with time. This is something to embrace and celebrate, not to deny or reframe.
What we consider “midlife” does seem to be stretching out more and more.
How we define “old” is certainly changing. There was a time when anything past 65 was considered “old.” Now, we see many of our public figures and leaders in their 70s, even 80s. I can envision people thinking of themselves as having at least three seasons for their lives and careers, one for younger adulthood, another career for midlife, and yet another one for the years we have formerly considered “older.” Rather than “retiring,” we may just shift to yet another phase of career and a different type of productivity.
I propose that rather than thinking of 50 as the new 40 (or 60 as the new 50), we reframe what it means to be 50. To be the best version of ourselves at whatever age we are.
Embrace what it means to be your age. You’ve earned it. Present yourself to others in all the right ways that take advantage of how awesome it can be to experience these midlife years. Age is like the proverbial river that is never the same when we step into it. You won’t live today twice. There is no do-over. There is a certain freedom that midlife brings. You’ll never again be the age you are right now, so why not embrace every bit of it?
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Related posts:
https://cliffordberger.com/what-does-life-expectancy-mean/
https://cliffordberger.com/thriving-in-the-seasons-of-your-life/
