How do I stay relevant and visible in midlife?
Remember when you were a kid, thinking how much fun you could have if you were invisible?
According to Hollywood, being invisible isn’t always so great.
There happens to be a film released this spring, called The Invisible Man. It is classified as “science fiction/ horror.” Starring Elisabeth Moss (you may remember her as Peggy Olson in Mad Men), her character has an abusive and violent boyfriend (of course she does!). Without giving away too much, it turns out that he has acquired the ability to be invisible. This makes him, well, an even worse boyfriend.
Some years ago (in 2000) there was another film called Hollow Man, starring Kevin Bacon, about what happened to a man who could make himself invisible. I’m pretty sure I saw that film on an airplane (where I end up watching a lot of films, it seems).
Harry Potter, of course, has his invisibility cloak, which in his case is pretty cool. But often, in movies and in real life, being invisible isn’t so good. In fact, it has sometimes led to some pretty bad things. Like in Hollow Man, where Kevin Bacon’s character seemed like a good guy to begin with. So how in the world could he…? Oh, well, you’ll just have to find the DVD and watch it. Or read the book by HG Wells, The Invisible Man, which inspired the film.
Don’t be a Hollow Man
None of us want to become a “Hollow Man” of course. We want to stay relevant and visible. But even if we think that it could be kind of fun to be invisible now and then, that’s not how we want to live our lives. Most of us don’t want to disappear, to be invisible, to be unnoticed. But it can happen anyhow, often without us realizing it at first. It can happen in various ways, and for different reasons.
We’re quite aware that elderly people often feel this way (elderly being defined as something way older than ourselves). People tend to overlook senior adults, the more so the older they get.
Maturity versus youth culture
The thing is, you don’t become an “old” person all at once. We age gradually, a little at a time, and we notice the changes that come with age ever so slowly. If you are age 40+, you are likely already noticing some of it. Oh sure, people turning 30 stress about getting old (Amateurs!). And of course we now frequently hear that 40 is the new 30, or 60 is the new 40, and so on. There may be some truth to that, in relation to increased life expectancies, and overall more active lifestyles.
But we live in a youth-oriented culture. Advertisers supposedly see the age 18-34 demographic as the most valued target market. If you’re in your 40s or 50s they still want to sell to you, of course, but many products don’t advertise to you because it is assumed that your purchasing habits are already in place by then. For the world of advertising, you become invisible.
Grey and white–what happens to your hair over time–is less visible than color. Grey and white are more like the absence of color. People tend to look past things that lack color. Wrinkles, or a few extra pounds, are also less appealing to than smooth skin and youthful physiques. People may look past you, and you become less visible.
When you watch a basketball or football game, or a baseball game, how much do you notice the officials? Not much, most of the time. They blend in, they disappear–they look bland, and your attention is on the players with the cool uniforms. As we age, it is easy to become more like the officials, rather than the players. Of course, I’m not talking about the role they have in the game, which is quite important. Rather, I’m just thinking of their visibility on the field of play, where we pretty much tune them out until they are needed.
Stay visible and relevant
Do you ever feel like that happens to you? That you’re tuned out until needed? The good news is that you can take steps to stay visible (literally and metaphorically) and relevant as you get older. It can be a combination of inner confidence and outer persona, but often the two are related. How we present ourselves, in style and manner, matters. It is part of how we engage the world, and how we’re able to exert our influence and accomplish our goals. It is the persona we present to the world.
These days, notice some of the public figures and celebrities who represent a different, more visible version of getting older. Brad Pitt is 56, and retains a youthful edge (did you see him and Leo DiCaprio in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood?). George Clooney at 58 seems to endure as the standard for the cool, suave, and silvery image. Even Sylvester Stallone is still making Rambo films at age 70+! Yeah, 40-something is officially “middle age” just in case you weren’t aware. But you’re probably younger than Stallone and Clooney, so take some tips on how these guys are rocking it. Ok, maybe you won’t be Brad Pitt, but you can be the best version of your own self, regardless of your age.
Being that best version involves cultivating important aspects of both our inner and outer selves. It requires a decision not to disappear, a decision to exercise the influence that comes with the maturity you’ve earned. I urge you to consider the ways you aspire to be a better person, inside and out. To be visible, and to show up in the lives of those who need you.
Be one of the players, not one of the refs.
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For related posts, see the Home Page and How to Influence with your Ethos.
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