what do I mean by life and style?

You see the header on my website. The tag line says, “Life and Style for Men.”

I should tell you what I mean by that.

More commonly, you may see the term “lifestyle” as one word. Generally, it describes a way or style of living, and often involves fashion, food, cars, homes, and other accoutrements, as well as health, exercise, hobbies, etc. “Lifestyle” has become part of popular culture, and there are many magazines, blogs, and other industries built up around it.

The term has even come to denote a bit of shallowness, with a focus on just the externals of life.

Which is why I don’t use it.

The term “lifestyle” was originally coined by Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler, and had more substance than the current popular version of the word. As early as 1929 he was using it to describe a person’s basic character as established in early childhood. It referred to a person’s attitudes, values, and overall belief system and worldview. 

These days, in popular culture, “lifestyle” has more to do with your clothes, manner of decorating, entertainment choices, and other consumer habits. These are fine, and probably more important than we may want to admit.

But notice that I don’t use the word “Lifestyle” in my blog. It doesn’t carry the connotations I want.

I make it two words: Life AND style.

Here is what I mean by that…

LIFE

By this I have in mind your identity, who you are. 

This harkens back more to the way “Lifestyle” was used by Adler, sociologist Max Weber, and others. Actually, personal identity even has a long history that includes Plato, Rene’ Descartes, religious traditions, and many others. So the issue of personal identity is certainly not a passing fad.

More recently, foundational adult development theorists such as Erik Ericson (the psychologist who coined the term, “identity crisis”), Daniel Levinson, popular writers such as Gail Sheehy and others have described adulthood as a sequence of stages, with developmental tasks to accomplish within each. Levinson was one of those who popularized the term “midlife crisis,” and described it as a normal stage of life that all adults experience in their own way. I hope that my mention of some of these sources might encourage you to do some further reading on these subjects. But I’ll distill the main ideas for you over time, in any case. The way I use “Life” is rooted in some of these ideas.

The point is, people have always desired to have an understanding of who they are. And this understanding tends to change over time.

In the popular sense, this involves the outward aspects of our identity as well as our inner personality characteristics and beliefs.

Outward identity 

This includes demographic characteristics such as gender, race/ethnicity, place of birth, first language, socio-economic background, makeup of family of origin, education, vocation/profession, etc. These things are foundational to who we are. We didn’t have a choice with some of them, and most of them don’t change too much once we’re well into adulthood.

Our identity also includes roles that we take on over time. These might be roles as husband, father, friend, teacher or student, employee or employer. Adding these or other roles to our lives shapes our identity. 

Inward identity 

This is our internal sense of self, including our beliefs and values, memories, religious faith and commitments, inherent personality type, fantasies and daydreams, hopes and goals, political opinions, disappointments, experiences, and so on. These are the things that constitute our “life” and identity, but are not identifiable to someone on the outside.

These factors of our inward identity may shift and change, and accrue over time. They are things over which we have more control.

In youth and young adulthood, most people make the foundational decisions that will affect the rest of their lives: education, career choice, marriage, parenthood, etc. 

In midlife, adults often find themselves deepening or perhaps renegotiating these decisions and commitments. 

This may involve what is known as a “crisis,” as one works through the implications of the way their life decisions have created their sense of self. 

If “crisis” seems like too strong a word, perhaps it may help to think of it more as a series of midlife “adjustments.” 

My intent with this blog is to focus on practical and positive aspects of making these adjustments, especially for men in midlife. 

I’m laying a foundation here, but this won’t be primarily a blog on philosophy, psychology and sociology, I promise!

I do want to educate, but also to encourage and inspire readers to embrace the season they are in. I want readers to develop their sense of identity in positive ways, with confidence and style. And to remember that our identity in each season of our lives will lay the foundation for who we are in the season to follow.

This is what I mean by “Life.”

STYLE

If “Life” refers to our identity, to who we are, I use “Style” to describe how we live. 

Style is how we present ourselves to the world.

I think of this as our “Ethos,” that is, the way people see us and the things we are known for. I described this in another post on How to Influence with our Ethos.

People tend to think of “style” as referring only to clothing and fashion. It certainly includes this, but also involves much more. I don’t like the word “fashion,” by the way. At least not for mature men. “Fashion” brings to mind trends and fads, and I don’t recommend that men follow trends and fads in style and clothing. 

As you work your way through the seasons of adulthood, focus first on defining and understanding who you are. Your sense of style and presentation will grow naturally out of that. 

Your personal style goes beyond what you wear to include your overall demeanor and way of being.

A confident but approachable manner makes you appealing to be around. The way you greet someone with eye contact and a welcoming smile is part of your personality and style. Even the sound and pacing of your voice is part of how you present yourself to the world.

I plan to write some future posts on your voice, by the way. This is one of the things people notice first and most remember about you. Sadly, many people do not like the sound of their own voice. The good news is that you can improve your voice, and be more intentional about how you want to sound and express yourself.

Your health and grooming is an essential part of your personal style. I’ll say more about this as time goes by. But for the moment, think in terms that clothing is what you put on your body, but grooming is how you care for your body itself. 

Hair, for example, is a big concern for many men. How to cut and keep it, in particular. Paying attention to your nails and hands, your feet, your teeth, your eyebrows, and yes–trimming that nose and ear hair–all of that is part of how you present yourself to others around you. 

Diet and exercise are part of your personal style as well. Developing a discipline and routine for maintaining a healthy body makes so many of the other things easier. It gets harder as we age, for sure. The waistline can seem to have a mind of its own!

Taking care of yourself not only makes you more appealing to be around, but it also indicates that you are a person that gives attention to detail. This can pay dividends even in your vocation and career aspirations. 

Let’s face it–we live in uncertain times, and need every advantage we can create for ourselves.

Our style and the way we present ourselves can make all the difference.

And when it comes to clothing, yes, that’s part of our style too. Whether we like it or not. This is an area where a lot of men simply aren’t comfortable. It is easier to just stay in a style rut that doesn’t change over a ten or twenty year period. Or else it is easier to just wear whatever your wife or family picks out for you. Many men need an appearance upgrade to fit the season they’re now in.

I propose that it is better–and more manly–to take control of this part of your life than to defer it to others. If you know who you are in the season of life you’re in, and what you want to accomplish, then think of the way you dress and present yourself as a tool to help you.

Many men feel out of their comfort zone when it comes to clothing, even though getting dressed is one of the few things you will do every day of your life. Why not be as intentional about it as possible? You may not know where to start, or what some of the basic principles are. I can help you with that, with practical tips and a no-judgment attitude. Caring about how you look and present yourself is one of the most masculine things you do.

Summing up…

So, this is how I think about Life AND Style. 

Focus first on defining who you are, and what you want to accomplish. 

Then your style will be a natural outgrowth of that. It needs to be YOUR style, not someone else’s. It needs to reflect the way you want to live, look, and present yourself. The Ethos you project matters, and I look forward to helping you develop your very best self.

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Note: see my earlier posts for more perspective on this topic:

1) Style and appearance: why even care?,

2) 7 tips for environmentally responsible style

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Sources:

“Personal Identity.” Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy. Revised 2019.
Levinson, Daniel. The Seasons of a Man’s Life. 1978.
Levinson, Daniel. The Seasons of a Woman’s Life. 1996.
Sheehy, Gail. Passages: Predictable Crises of Adult Life. 2006.