Uncategorized

Try wearing a men’s winter scarf!

Here it is December, with cold weather in many parts, so it is time to think men’s winter scarfs! Here in my home city of Portland, Oregon, we’ve had our usual cold and wet December (lows in the 30s–the wet makes it feel colder than it is). We’re expecting to have a week of temps in the teens and twenties following Christmas. Cold for here, so you can be sure I’ll be rocking one of my scarves any time I’m out and about.

If you aren’t already wearing a men’s scarf in cold weather, you should give it a try. 

It’s one of the best men’s accessories, both functional and adds a bit of dash to your style.

If you’re a man, in your 40’s to 60’s, this is the time of life when you can look and feel great wearing a winter scarf.

One of the great things about being a midlife man is that you can embrace some elements of classic style, and not feel weird about it. 

You’re expected to look a little more statesmanlike. You can do some things that add class whether you’re dressing it up or going casual.

Classic looking men’s scarves have become one of my favorite items in the fall to late winter. I take a substantial walk nearly every day (2-5 miles most of the time). Even though where I live in Portland, Oregon isn’t usually bitterly cold. But it can still be pretty chilly when you’re out walking for an hour or two. Even if I have on a warm jacket, if my neck is exposed, somehow I still feel cold. If my neck is warm, I’m warm.

Men’s neckwear actually has a long and illustrious history. It goes all the way back to ancient China and the Roman empire. Neckwear has often been a part of military dress throughout history, often used to denote rank and status.

By the 18th and 19th centuries, scarves and other neckwear had begun to evolve into what were called “cravats,” which were the precursor of today’s necktie. 

Scarves were very popular was with pilots during World War I. They were necessary to keep warm while flying. But they liked them so well that they became part of the pilots’ regular uniform. Soldiers in the trenches wore them, too.

By the early 20th century, long neckties were worn by both men and women. Neckties are still around today, though mainly as a men’s item, and not as common with men as they used to be. You should still own a couple of ties, at the very least for those occasions that call for dressing up a bit. I’ll say more about neckties another time.

But a scarf is NOT a necktie. Scarves are more functional than decorative, and are generally worn with jackets outside, not indoors.

You shouldn’t worry about a scarf seeming feminine. If you’re a man in midlife you have the confidence not to worry about that anyhow. But men’s scarves are not the same as ones for women. They are made of different materials, in colors that look great with menswear.

Here’s a photo of some of my collection of favorite winter scarves:

You can see that I tend to favor plaid or tartan patterns, in durable wool-type fabrics. I wear the three on the left the most. The brown one is the “Burberry” type of pattern (though not a genuine Burberry). The red one is the Royal Stewart tartan, and the dark blue/green one is the Scottish “Black Watch” tartan. This was worn by the 43rd Highland Regiment, known as the “Black Watch” regiment. If it’s good enough for them, it’s good enough for me!.

Those three look great with nearly anything I wear in the colder months, mostly with casual wear. Even if you’re just wearing denim jeans and a casual jacket, any of those add to the look and will help keep you warm.

Perhaps you happen to have some Scottish in your family background (as I do, from the McDonald clan). If so, do a bit of research and figure out what your family heritage tartan is. But you don’t have to be Scottish–the ones you see here are “universal” tartans to be worn by anyone.

Wondering how to tie or wrap a men’s scarf on your neck? I usually keep it very simple, using one of just three styles.

Here is an article from “Real Men / Real Style” with eleven options for tying a scarf. To be honest, I’ve never tried most of these knots. They’re more complicated than I want to be. The only ones I use are the “Once Around,” the “Over Hand,” and the “Fake Knot.” That’s all you’ll need, unless you want to get experimental.

These days, there’s another practical aspect to having a scarf around my neck. If I find myself without a face mask, I can just pull the scarf up over my mouth and nose!

Even though the winter is winding down, there may still be some cold or windy days left. This is still time for you to make use of a scarf. And as the season is winding down, you may get even better prices from either your local department store or ordering online (Amazon has lots of options). You can get nice looking ones for under $25, delivered tomorrow! Better quality, such as wool or cashmere, comes at a higher price. The Burberry pattern on the left is cashmere, but I got it in Hong Kong for super cheap ($14 or so, at the street markets). The three in the middle I bought at the Edinburgh Woolen Mills stores in the UK. They’re wool and nice quality, but only about $30 US. 

If you buy one now, just hang onto it.m You’ll be all set in the fall when the cool weather comes around once again!

__________________________________________________

Related post: https://cliffordberger.com/develop-your-personal-uniform/

The power of a uniform to tell a story

I recently watched the 2016 film, Sully, for probably the third time. There are films I will watch–and books I will read–multiple times, as I seem to pick up something new each time. Something I had not noticed before. This time watching Sully was no exception.

In case you’re not familiar with it, Sully is based on the true-life 2009 emergency landing of US Airways flight 1549 in New York’s Hudson River. Directed by Clint Eastwood, the film stars Tom Hanks as captain Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger. Even though everyone on board survived the emergency water landing, Sully still had to contend with an investigation into whether he had acted appropriately in the crisis. (That’s all I’ll say about the plot, if you haven’t yet seen it.)

A small detail in one scene stands out …

After the plane had landed and all passengers had safely exited, Captain Sullenberger went back one more time. He and his co-pilot wanted to make sure that no one was left, and that everything was ready for them to abandon the plane as well.

Right before he left the plane, Sully reached into the cockpit area and grabbed a folder of his official papers, and his uniform jacket. Up to that point, he was in his white shirt and tie. With the plane foundering in the water, he took the time to put on his jacket, button it, and straighten his appearance.

Sully wanted to exit the plane appearing as the captain, the man in charge. Not as a rumpled, frazzled, and desperate victim of an emergency. Sully understood that the passengers may look and feel that way. But as the captain, he also knew how he needed to appear to the passengers and crew, not to mention to the cameras that would soon broadcast his image around the world. He needed to be the captain, the man responsible for all 155 souls on board. This man was a leader, and he understood the importance of appearance in a situation like this.

After the rescue Sully was taken to a hotel for initial questions for the investigation that would follow. One of the first things he wanted to know is if he could have his uniform cleaned and pressed. Once again, he wanted to make sure that he came across as a professional, in command of the situation. Sully was aware of the power of appearance in how others perceived him. This was not just crass vanity. No, he knew that all eyes would be on him, and that to communicate his presence and authority the way he wanted, he needed to look the part of a competent airline pilot. His appearance was part of how he would accomplish his goals in this crisis situation.

What can we learn from Sully in this? 

Obviously, we don’t want or need to dress like an airline pilot. I’m mindful of Leonardo DiCaprio’s character in the film Catch Me If You Can, where he impersonated an airline pilot, among other things. To do so, wearing the pilot’s uniform was a key part of pulling off the ruse. So you see that even someone impersonating a role understands the power of the uniform to communicate.

Anyhow, there is of course a difference between actual formal uniforms, and the things that most of us wear everyday. We think of the uniforms worn by police officers, pilots, medical professionals, military personnel, athletes, clergy, bus drivers, park rangers, and so on. In each case, their uniform instantly communicates their identity, and we make certain assumptions about them based on that. That is actually the purpose of a uniform, so that the wearer quickly conveys their role and function. In many cases, those who wear uniforms take great pride in their appearance and how they maintain themselves. 

I recently was in Washington, DC, and had a chance to visit Arlington National Cemetery, with the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. I’ve been there several times, and it is moving and inspiring each time. Taking utmost care for their appearance, Tomb Sentinels spend up to eight hours preparing their uniform for a shift of guard duty. No detail is too small. They are aware of what, and whom they represent, and the power of appearance as part of that.

This past summer, my family visited Crater Lake National Park in Oregon. Obviously, a very different experience than Arlington Cemetery. And yet, there are federal employees in uniform present in both locations. At Crater Lake, seeing the park rangers in their perfectly creased earth-tone uniforms, complete with badges and ranger hats, was rather comforting. It immediately identified them as someone you could approach with questions or for help. Their uniform conveyed that there is someone who has information, who knows the features of the park and its history. Oh, and the campaign-style ranger hats are just cool. But, you pretty much need to be a park ranger to pull off the look. The hat identifies them as an exclusive society. 

On the other extreme would be something like looking like a rock star. The members of KISS, for example (who are now all in their 70s), crafted a certain look that became their instantly recognizable brand. Rock star outfits might not seem like a uniform, but they are.

Once again, most of us don’t wear an actual uniform on the day-to-day. But perhaps there are some principles we can learn from those who do.

Perhaps most importantly, simply recognizing that our appearance matters. It communicates something about who we are, and how we perceive ourselves. It influences how others will perceive us. 

Even if we don’t wear a formal uniform, each of us can develop our own personal one.

Most people have a certain overall style that fits our personality, tastes, and everyday circumstances. Our clothing styles aren’t usually all over the place, but have a certain vibe that we curate.

We can cultivate that vibe with intentionality, or can just let it happen. 

I propose that being intentional is better.

The things we put on our bodies, and the way we present ourselves, is the first thing people will see. In most cases, upon meeting someone, we make judgments about them within a few seconds.

How much better to control that narrative than to let someone else tell our story?

In the film, Sully wanted to create the narrative about his actions in the emergency landing of the plane, and to appear authoritative in control. He knew that his uniform was a key element of that narrative. Sully wore the jacket. He wanted it clean and pressed. 

We can control our own narrative, and convey our own identity through our personal “uniform.” Likely, it won’t look like a uniform as such, and we can create it ourselves. But it will be an ensemble, even if it is casual clothing, that tells a story and communicates our identity and message. 

Everyone wears clothes. It is one of the things that humanity has most in common. We choose to buy certain things, to pair them together, and choose what we will put on for a certain purpose. 

I suggest that we simply be as intentional about this as possible, taking control of our own story and how we want to come across to others.

“Uniform,” for most of us, doesn’t need to mean looking the same as others. A personal uniform simply means taking control and curating how we want to appear. Taking control of our appearance is not weakness. It is a way of using one of the tools in our box of life skills to accomplish our goals.

Much better than letting your mom or your wife dress you…

______________________________________________________

Related posts:

https://cliffordberger.com/develop-your-personal-uniform/

https://cliffordberger.com/style-and-appearance-why-even-care/

Resources

https://www.theguardian.com/film/2016/nov/27/chesley-sullenberger-sully-film-clint-eastwood-tom-hanks-miracle-hudson-river

https://tombguard.org/society/faq

http://www.sullysullenberger.com/

What can we learn from James Bond’s style that can apply to regular guys? (like me!)

In honor of the release of the latest James Bond 007 film, No Time to Die (October, 2021), here is my analysis of James Bond’s personal style!
 

International spy James Bond, besides being a rather lethal weapon, is also known as an ultimate style icon. 007 is known for appearing effortlessly and appropriately dressed and groomed for every scene. Where he comes up with all of these wardrobe changes isn’t clear, as he rarely seems to pack or deal with luggage. He just shows up looking amazing.
 

But before I get to any more of that, I should offer the disclaimer that I’m not suggesting anyone should aspire to BE James Bond, or anything much at all like him. As entertaining as the 007 films are, Bond himself leaves much to be desired as a person. He is in fact a lonely, amoral, and even tragic figure. He seems to have no family, few if any real friends, nor any success with stable relationships. Plus, he has killed something like 370 people (mostly villains, over nearly 60 years), which alone would be enough to mess you up as a human being.

Aside from all that, however, James Bond can teach us a few things about style, right? 

We can learn something from everyone we meet, even if they are a fictional character in a movie. What are some things that we can learn from 007, in a way that applies to those of us who aren’t international spies?
 

For one thing, James Bond knows how to present himself in every situation. 

He knows the power of clothing and grooming to communicate a message. Can you imagine James Bond saying, “A real man doesn’t care how he looks.” No, 007 cares very much, as he knows the power of outward appearance to help him carry out his mission. 
 

For you or me, our mission may seem more ordinary than that of a spy working for MI6, saving the world from nefarious villains. But our own life mission is important nonetheless, and we can still care enough to give attention to looking right for the situation. Now, you don’t need to dress or look exactly like 007. Bond understands what works for him, and he sticks with it. Figure out what works for you, what your own style and presentation is–casual, sporty, rugged, formal, etc.– and do the same. 
 

Bond’s style has evolved with the times. 

Daniel Craig is now more often in casual style than many earlier versions of 007. Sean Connery and Roger Moore tended to dress more formally much of the time, but that was in an era that had more formality in general. I’ll admit that in older films sometimes James Bond wore suits in some odd situations. Daniel Craig’s 007 often portrays a more informal and relaxed style, more like real-life Steve McQueen back in the day. 
 

That said, James Bond does know how to wear a suit! 

Even though suits are fading as required wear for business or work, so is the conformity we used to associate with them. These days, wearing a suit, or a jacket and tie, can be seen as a bold choice, as a sign of nonconformity. A suit communicates confidence and authority. It is the ultimate item of masculine clothing. A sport coat can do something of the same, but in a softer,  more approachable and less assertive fashion. A sport coat with khaki type pants or even jeans is one of my go-to looks. 
 

Maybe your go-to look is just a T-shirt and jeans most of the time. Fine. In that case, spend a little more on quality items that fit. Tuck the shirt in and wear a belt. Or if untucked, make sure it doesn’t hang too long and fits in the waist. Shoes, something like a nice pair of chukka boots. Or maybe some white leather tennis shoes for a more casual look. If you do add to this a casual sport coat in a textured fabric once in a while, you’ll look amazing. Same with a leather jacket.
 

Next, Bond dresses for his age. 

Daniel Craig is 53 years old. He makes his age and gravitas work for him. Roger Moore was 57 in 1985’s A View to a Kill (the oldest 007 so far). I write primarily with midlife men in mind–so many of you are right in the 007 Season of Life. Let it work for you! Your 40s to 60s are the best years for evoking your style with confidence. 
 

Bond’s clothes fit perfectly. 

This is probably the main reason he always looks so good. With everything he wears, the fit is on point. What can you learn from that? You can buy things off the rack, but many items will still need adjusting to look just right. Even a pair of khakis, or jeans, if they are just a bit too long, can look shlumply. Too short and you look goofy. Take them to a tailor or even to a dry cleaners that does alterations (many do), and get them hemmed to look just right. If in doubt, better to buy pants a little long to begin with, as you can always shorten them. Light alterations are worth a little extra money, and you’ll be amazed at the difference. I’ll say more at other times about fit, but just be aware that fit is probably the keystone of all aspects of men’s style. James Bond, of course, knows this well.
 

007 understands the classics, and doesn’t over-accessorize. 

Pants that fit (not too tight or baggy), shoes that are appropriate for the setting, polos, classic sweaters and button-down shirts, and of course, well-fitted suits. Little or no jewelry other than a nice watch. Cool sunglasses. 
 

James Bond’s style never upstages his character. 

He’s confident in his identity. HE is James Bond, and his style simply supports his character and presentation. He keeps it simple, not flashy or gaudy. Perfect for a mature man in midlife.
 

Bond clearly knows the style “rules” 

…and because of that, he knows when and how to break them (along with a lot of other rules!).
 

007 knows how good a jacket can look. 

Suit and sport jackets, yes, but all kinds of other jackets as well–leather, casual, even sport or outdoorsman jackets. If you want to upgrade your style, when in doubt, put on a jacket. It is the best way to give definition to your shoulders and chest, and draw attention away from possible problem areas (like a few extra pounds in the waist). Quality coats and jackets that fit well can have you looking like your own 007 in no time.
 

Bottom line:

You don’t need to copy Bond’s actual outfits. Rather, take the principles and apply them to your own tastes, preferences, and circumstances. Be 007 confident and look and feel your best!

_______________________________________________

Related posts: https://cliffordberger.com/style-and-appearance-why-even-care/

“I hope I never recover from this”

On October 13, 2021, well-known actor William Shatner became the oldest person to ride a rocket into space. Shatner is 90 years old.

For many of us, William Shatner has been part of our lives nearly as long as we can remember. In recent years he has had roles on comedies such as “Boston Legal,” and has pitched any number of products on TV ads. 

Shatner is most iconic, of course, for his role as Captain James T. Kirk, in the “Star Trek” TV series and later films.

Captain Kirk…

For a long time, the character of Kirk is how I thought of Shatner himself. For years, I hadn’t seen him in many other roles, besides some guest appearances on other TV shows.

It was something of a surprise (and a bit of a disappointment) to me, in more recent years, to find that William Shatner the actor didn’t seem all that much like Captain Kirk. He became known for TV advertisements for things like Priceline®, legal services, health and insurance products. He decreased in my esteem, from the authoritative Captain Kirk, to just another infomercial pitchman. His role as Denny Crane on “The Practice” and “Boston Legal” seemed sort of goofy. I know, it was just a character and not the real person. But somehow I wanted William Shatner to be more like Captain Kirk, and as someone who had grown up with Star Trek, it was disappointing that he had become Denny Crane. 

And along the way, William Shatner got old.

In my mind, he has always been the vigorous, midlife Captain Kirk. But suddenly William Shatner turned 90 years old. And I’m not 18 anymore, I’m 64 myself. So it happens. But I have to say that William Shatner, the real person, looks pretty dang good for someone aged 90. He’s officially old–it is hard to characterize 90 any other way–but he is redefining what it means to be old. 

So it was a significant cultural moment when, on October 13, William Shatner–the actor, the one who played Captain Kirk on screen–launched into space as part of the crew of Jeff Bezos’ Blue Origin project. I had missed some of the build-up to this, until just a few days before the launch. Then suddenly, 90 year old William Shatner–Captain Kirk–was all over the news. He is the oldest person ever to travel into space (low-level space, but space nonetheless). 

The story captured the attention of many people, myself included. In the couple of days prior to the launch, I followed the story with interest. Evidently, William Shatner/Captain Kirk was a childhood hero of Jeff Bezos. Most people who fly on one of the private space exploration companies missions can expect to pay a significant sum. Shatner, however, flew as a guest of Bezos. 

In interviews before the flight, Shatner reminded everyone that his role as Captain Kirk was just acting. Claiming that he had never actually seen a complete episode of the original TV series, and had only watched one of the films (the one he directed), Shatner told one interviewer that it was just acting, right? They never left the set in Hollywood, much less went to space. Bezos, and many in the media however, were captivated by the idea of Captain Kirk on a real-life flight into space. The Final Frontier. 

When approached about the idea, Shatner replied, “For God’s sakes, man, nobody cares about Captain Kirk going up into space. You know, it was 55 years ago!”

Evidently enough people did care, including those with the power to make it happen. Shatner remarked, “I’ve heard about space for a long time now…I’m taking the opportunity to see it for myself. What a miracle.”

And so it was arranged.

On the morning of the launch, I tuned into the news programs broadcasting it, to the interviews, and the countdown to the launch itself. 

The ironically shaped Blue Origin rocket (how I wish it looked more like the iconic Saturn V of my youth!) launched straight and true into a blue Texas sky. Cameras followed the ascent until it disappeared beyond view. Commentators told us what was likely happening inside the craft, although it would have been nice to have live-action footage.

Then, only a few minutes later, the components of the craft made their descent. First the rocket itself, which came down and came to rest on a designated landing pad! That in itself was pretty remarkable. A recyclable rocket, landing upright exactly as planned. 

Following just after, the capsule with the passengers came down, the descent slowed by a trio of enormous parachutes. The capsule plopped with a cloud of dust right onto the Texas desert floor.

Very soon, the passengers (are they officially “astronauts”? Experts disagree on this) exited the capsule, to the enthusiastic welcome of the ground crew and other well-wishers.

By the way, space flight, while becoming more routine, is not for the faint of heart. Shatner’s 90 year old body experienced up to 6 G’s. Many people pass out or get tunnel vision at even 4 or 5 G’s. So one has to admire the physical stamina and stress involved.

And yet, almost immediately after his exit, the ever-loquacious William Shatner began riffing on his thoughts of the experience.

What came out was surprisingly profound and moving. Speaking out loud to Jeff Bezos to process his thoughts, Shatner’s response was an unfiltered stream of consciousness. Here was someone who only moments before had experienced the liminal space between the heavens and the earth. Speaking not as a scientist, engineer, or professional pilot, this actor/author/musician attempted to put words together to describe the indescribable.
 

I found myself unexpectedly moved by his words. Among those words were these: 
 

“I’m so filled with emotion about what just happened. It’s extraordinary,” Shatner said. “I hope I never recover from this. I hope I can maintain what I feel now.”

“It has to do with the enormity and the quickness and the suddenness of life and death and the … oh, my God” 

“The moment you see the vulnerability of everything. It’s so small. This air which is keeping us alive is thinner than your skin. It’s a sliver, it’s immeasurably small when you think in terms of the universe.”

You can see his entire post-flight interview here: William Shatner describes space flight.

This man, William Shatner, has lived for more than 50 years in the shadow of his iconic character, Captain Kirk. Whether he welcomed it or not, their identities overlapped. Shatner evidently used to resist this identification, but in more recent years he has come to peace with it. 

And now, at age 90, Shatner has had the chance to overlap the two identities with an adventure shared by only a very few. For a few minutes, on-screen before us, William Shatner became less Denny Crane or Priceline® pitchman, and at least a little more of the Captain Kirk that I had long wanted him to be. 
 

May he Live Long and Prosper.

Related post: https://cliffordberger.com/those-things-you-always-wanted-to-do/

____________________________________________________

https://people.com/human-interest/william-shatner-to-fly-into-space-on-jeff-bezos-blue-origin-rocket-at-90/

https://www.thedailybeast.com/william-shatner-will-ride-a-blue-origin-rocket-to-space-is-it-even-safe-for-him

There is no normal life–there’s just life.

In the classic western film Tombstone (1993), one of many memorable scenes is the one where Wyatt Earp (Kurt Russell) comes to sit with his friend and fellow gunfighter, Doc Holliday (Val Kilmer), as Holliday lay dying of Tuberculosis.

As they begin their conversation…

Wyatt: How’re we feeling today, Doc?

Doc: I’m dying. How are you?

Wyatt: Pretty much the same. 

They start playing cards, and a minute or so later, Doc muses about how he was in love once (with his 15-year old cousin). 

Doc: She was all I ever wanted. 

Then Doc asks Wyatt:

Doc: What’d you want?

Wyatt: Just to live a normal life.

Doc: There’s no normal life, Wyatt. There’s just life. Now get on with it.

We could probably agree that Wyatt Earp lived anything but a “normal life,” even by standards of his day. Even so, normal is what he longed for, whatever that looked like to him.

But Doc Holliday speaks a certain truth in this scene. Keep in mind it is a movie, and there’s no evidence that the real Doc Holliday said this. Even so, many Hollywood films have scenes and lines that communicate something profound. And this is one of them.

There is no normal life. There’s just life.

We’ve been in the midst of a global pandemic the past year and a half. Along with all kinds of other crises (political, economic, storms and fires, etc.). During this time we’ve heard lots of talk about getting “back to normal.” All of us long for some sort of stability, some sense that there is a “normal” out there, a re-set, a return to the way things were.
 

And of course, beyond the global crises, each one of us has our own life to live. We have our own personal challenges, crises, stresses, as well as times of joy and satisfaction.

But what is this “normal” to which we seek to return? What does normal look like, and is there even such a thing? What is the baseline for “normal”?

Most of us see “normal” as conforming to some sort of regular pattern. Something that is typical or routine. It is true that many of us do experience days, even frequently, that fit within the boundaries of what we want or expect. Days when we go about our business uninterrupted, without anything going sideways. No flat tires, no clogged toilets, no especially bad news. Good days, overall, days that include laughter and joy.

Is that normal life?

Because there are other days, or even extended periods of time, where life is one challenge after another. Sometimes things that are troublesome or stressful at the time, although not crises on the grand scale. Other times, when unexpected illnesses, deaths, financial calamity, etc., interrupt our lives. Times when we are tempted to say, “Why me?” Perhaps we could also ask, “Why not me?”

Is that normal life?

Has there been a period in history that is normal? On the world stage anyhow? Any time in history when everything was just the way it should be? And then stayed that way?

Depends on who you were, or what country you were in, or what people group you belonged to. What may have seemed normal and desirable to some was a time of dire catastrophe to someone else.

Some people may long for the life someone else is living, someone who seems to have it all together and not be wrestling with one challenge after another. Someone else, whose life is more “normal” than their own.

Wishing for someone else’s (normal) life may be tempting, but it is pointless. We have our life to live, to make of it what we will. We cannot always control or script out the personal challenges we may face. Just as we were blindsided by a virus we could not control at will, one that has left a permanent mark on our lives and our world. 

We look forward to COVID running its course, and not having to work our lives around it. We do, I get it. But once that has diminished, what else will we contend with? Things that continue to intrude on our sense of normalcy, and leave us fighting to find that baseline where all is right?

That baseline may not exist. Indeed, we may well enjoy times when things are going smoothly, and our stresses are few and far between. Be grateful for those times. Nearly all of us want to live life that way. All. the. time.

But is that normal? Or are these good times just life? And when we experience crisis or tragedy, is that normal? Or is that also just life?

As we maneuver our way into the future, let’s focus less on “getting back to normal,” and more on moving forward with living. Living, with all of its ups and downs, joys and sorrows, dark days and bright days. Living, with the things we can control, and living with the things we cannot. This is life, not a dress rehearsal.

Don’t just wait for life to return to “normal.” Normal may be hard to find, it may not be what you expect, or it may be disappointing. Live going forward. As Doc Holliday said, “Get on with it.”

After all…
 

There’s no normal life–there’s just life.

_________________________________________________

Related Posts: https://cliffordberger.com/ordinary-life-extraordinary-influence/

https://cliffordberger.com/how-to-thrive-in-the-harvest-season-of-life/

Those Things You’ve Always Wanted to Do…

In my prior post, I talked about taking action on doing some of the things we’ve always wanted to do. Have you made a “Life List” of things you’d like to experience or accomplish? It is too easy to allow those things to just float around in our minds. To see them as something we’d like to do “Someday,” without a plan for making them happen. 

Sometimes just naming those things, and telling someone else, moves them a little closer to reality.

This past month, I was able to do a couple of things on my list.

One of those that I mentioned in my last email was seeing more of my home state of Oregon. I wanted to see places I had not been before, taking roads I’ve not driven. The other was to re-engage with fly fishing, something that has been an on and off activity since I was a teenager.

I was able to combine both of those goals, and do it all with my adult son and a couple of lifelong friends. A big win! 

My son Alex and I had planned for some time to do a driving trip around eastern Oregon. Over the past year he has developed an interest in fly fishing and fly tying. A passion for it, in fact! This has given me a reason to re-engage in something I have long enjoyed, but haven’t done much in recent years. I could see that this is an activity we can do together, and build some new memories. It also gave me a reason to completely update my equipment.

So, we decided to do a fly fishing road trip around Oregon. 

I promised in my last post that I would write an update after our trip, so here it is.

A good friend of many years, Bill, lives in the Boise area, and he regularly fishes Oregon’s remote Owyhee River. This is way down in southeastern Oregon, near the border with Idaho. I had been there with him once before, in 2017, but I had done little fly fishing since. We made plans to camp and fish on the river for several nights.

Since it is a long drive down there from Portland, Alex and I decided to extend the trip for several days before and after our time on the Owyhee River. 

I had never been in northeast Oregon, other than driving through on I-84. So, we spent a couple of nights up in the Wallowa mountains area, fishing the Wallowa River. We took some roads that were new to me, through small towns such as Enterprise and Joseph. This part of Oregon is extraordinary, reminding me of the Ponderosa ranch on “Bonanza.” Wallowa Lake, outside of Joseph, is a 300′ deep natural beauty, formed by glaciers in the Pleistocene era. All of this was a new experience for me, even though I have lived in Oregon for most of my life.



From there, we headed down to meet up with Bill for our stay on the Owyhee River. This area was not brand-new to me, as I had fished there with Bill several years before. 

Except that this time, we caught a lot more fish.

We arrived at our undeveloped campsite in late afternoon and decided to check out the river before setting up. We could see fish rising to an insect hatch, and decided to fish first and set up camp later. 

Within the first 15 minutes, Alex caught a fat 16″ brown trout. This was the first of a number of fish between the three of us over the next couple of days. Nearly all of them were 12 inches or more. Bill caught one that was at least 18 inches.

The photo at top is of Alex and me with the last fish he landed right before we left. I included that because we’re both in the photo, not because it was even the biggest fish.

Needless to say, that leg of the trip was a success!

Besides catching fish in one of Oregon’s best brown trout fisheries, we were surrounded by the spectacular desert scenery of the remote Owyhee River canyon. 

After taking leave of the Owyhee leg of our trip, Alex and I made our way through other roads in Oregon’s southeastern desert area, including a 2-hour drive on gravel road past the eastern face of Steens Mountain, and the Alvord Desert. In a state known for rainfall, this is the driest place in Oregon, with less than 6 inches of precipitation a year. This area is not far from the Nevada border. The Alvord Desert is a 12×7 mile alkaline flat, a dried up former lake bed. We drove a mile or so out onto it, which was a unique experience. At 84 square miles, the Alvord Desert is twice the size of the famous Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah, but is less well-known due to its remote and less accessible location.

I had always wanted to see Oregon’s Steens Mountain and the Alvord Desert. It took me 64 years to get down to that part of my own state, but now I’ve done it!





By the end of that day we had made our way around the southern end of Steens Mountain and up to the little crossroads of Frenchglen (population 11), on the west slope of the mountain. We spent the night there in the historic Frenchglen Hotel, built in 1916. It looks more like a farmhouse, and has only eight rooms. The best part of staying there is the dinner served family-style with the other guests in the rustic dining room.

The next day we made our way westward through more of Oregon’s high desert country. This trip reminded me of the vastness of the American west. Oregon, only the 9th largest state, is larger than the entire United Kingdom, and at least half of the state’s geography consists of high desert type of terrain. People often associate Oregon mainly with big fir trees, rain, moss, the coast, vineyards, etc. But in fact much of the state is high and dry.

We did pass through the “metropolis” of Christmas Valley. This is a community of 1300 where the main industries are ranching and alfalfa hay. Just to the west of Christmas Valley is Fort Rock, an imposing extinct volcanic remnant arising out of the entirely flat landscape. Alex and took and hour or two to climb around within its walls, which rise 200 feet above the desert floor.

An interesting side-note on Fort Rock is that the world’s oldest known pair of shoes were found here in 1938. This is a pair of sandals made of sagebrush bark, between 9300 and 10,500 years old. So, it turns out that Oregon has been a site of the shoe industry long before Nike made its headquarters here!

We planned to spend the last couple of nights with another old friend of mine who has a cool log home on a beautiful spring creek in Central Oregon. We had a great time, catching some more fish and catching up on one another’s life and family. 

It was here that I caught my biggest fish of the trip, a very colorful brown trout of about 16″. I had long wanted to catch a fat brown trout on a small spring creek (only ten feet wide or so), on a light fly rod. Now I’ve done it!

After leaving Central Oregon, we made our way back over the Cascade mountains. We used another road I had never been on, and back into the valley and home to the Portland area.

This was a simple trip around my home state.

I was able to visit some places new to me and gain an appreciation once again for the vastness of the west. We drove 1400 miles, nearly all of it without leaving Oregon. I live in the “wet” part of the state, but I like exploring other areas too. 

This was a great way to accomplish my goal of re-engaging with fly fishing, and to do it with my son and a couple of good, lifelong friends. I’ve been fortunate to travel to a number of other countries, and see some amazing things. But I find that often some of the best things are close to home.

If you are still reading at this point, I would like to encourage you to do some exploring of your own, wherever you are. I know I have readers from all around the United States, and from other countries as well. Many of you live not far from amazing and unique experiences or things to see. Make your own list, and make a plan to see some things, to do some of those things you’ve always wanted to do. You won’t be sorry!

You know all those things you’ve always wanted to do?

You should go do them!

                                (E.J. Lamprey)

Time marches on, and the things you would like to experience or accomplish won’t happen automatically. Either you do them, or make them happen, or you don’t.

Have you made a list of things you would like to do?

People call this a “Bucket List” (for things you want to do before you ‘Kick the Bucket’), but I prefer to call it a “Life List.” The things I want to do while I’m alive, and that help me feel alive.

At a work team retreat last week, a colleague asked each of us for one thing we would like to accomplish. I had an answer, spur of the moment, but I would have liked to be able to consult my list (I don’t have it memorized). I have a lot of things I want to do, many of them involving travel, it seems.

One of those things is to do more fly fishing, and another is to see more places in my home state of Oregon.

Well, this week I’m going to do those things. My adult son and I leave today for a week+ fly fishing road trip through northeast, southeast, and central Oregon. We’re intentionally taking roads and routes that we’ve not done before. I’ve always wanted to see Steens Mountain in southeastern Oregon, and now I’m going to do it.

I’ll tell you about it after I get back.

Meanwhile, identify something YOU want to do, and do it. It doesn’t have to be a big thing. Have some smaller things on your list too, and do those. You need things that you can accomplish short-term, and long-term.

Don’t just make plans, or think about doing things. Go ahead and do them!

_______________________________________________

Related Posts: https://cliffordberger.com/striving-for-proficiency-versus-mastery/

Is 50 really the new 40?

You’ve heard it, or maybe said it yourself:

• 50 is the new 40!
• 40 is the new 30!
• 60 is the new 50!

Why not trim a few more years off, and settle in at 60 is the new 40? Or 35? Aging backwards like Benjamin Button!

As one who has now passed all of those numbers, I think about these things. There are a couple of reasons these maxims get tossed around.

One is because on average, people really do live longer than in times past.

The average life expectancy for American men, as recently as 1945, was just 63.6 years. For example, President Franklin Roosevelt died in 1945, at age 63–very much a man of his time.

I am now 64, so I have passed the bar set for 1945. I hope to come closer or to surpass the current average male life expectancy of around 78 years. Think of how much that has improved just since 1945! People really are living longer. The number of people living to age 100 or more is rapidly increasing.

Another reason for this maxim is that many people these days, but certainly not all, may feel and look better and younger at older ages than in the past.

Better health care, more attention to everything from diet and exercise to skin care, has helped many people seem more youthful and just look better than ever. Much of this results from lifestyle maintenance or changes, and just better habits (like not smoking cigarettes, the way Franklin Roosevelt did for most of his life). Certainly, many in midlife find themselves with unwelcome health challenges. But on average there are increasing examples of people who look and feel better than they have in years. They may in fact feel ten years younger than they are, which is great–as long as they remember that they are not actually ten years younger.

Yet another reason for the maxim is that advancing years, especially birthdays ending in zero, simply make people uncomfortable.

They may slip into some denial, and hope for time to work backwards somehow. As if redefining 50 can somehow transform it into 40.

I propose that the maxims are well-intentioned, but simplistic and not the right way to think about it.

How about instead of transforming 50 into the new 40, we focus on defining what the new 50 looks like?

By defining the way we think about age continually downward, we fall prey to thinking that it would be better to be younger. As in, if you’re 50, why not 40?

What, and miss all the great things you experienced in your 40s, on the way to age 50?

Perhaps the way we think about aging is more important than just the number of years.

Frequently, people feel a need to hide their age, or to minimize it by thinking of their age as something less than what it really is. This is understandable, given how our society celebrates youth. Even the economy builds around advertising toward the interests of the youth culture, those aged 18-34 (even though they may have less disposable income).

The fact is, despite many 50 year olds being healthier, and looking and feeling better than in past generations, there are realities that come with achieving these milestone birthdays. 

Each year that passes, and especially each decade that passes, brings perspectives that simply aren’t possible for those who are in a younger cohort.

While we do live longer, as we age it sinks in that we don’t live forever. We think about mortality more often, and in more specific terms. Passing from this life is not just an abstract experience of humanity. It is something that will happen to us. 

This doesn’t have to be depressing; it is just a reality that we come to accept. It often first hits some people in their 40s, and creates a crisis response. The so-called “Midlife Crisis” occurs when people realize their youth has slipped away and their life has been half-lived (or more). 

Some respond by trying to recapture their youthful self. But that can only last so long. After another decade or so we may settle in more comfortably to the realities of whatever age we are. 

So when someone says, “But wait–50 is the new 40,” it is pretty tempting to want to flip the calendar back ten years or so and pretend that maybe that is true.
 

No, 50 is 50. Just like 60 is 60 (as I more recently found out).

But is that such a bad thing? I don’t think so! There is a certain freedom in taking ownership of whatever age you are. Not minimizing it or winding it back. And certainly not throwing up your hands and making it seem older than it really is. 

At age 40, 50, or 60 we have achieved developmental milestones. We’ve experienced life in ways that someone ten or fifteen years younger than ourselves cannot yet fully understand. There is wisdom and perspective that comes with these experiences. A person aged 50 knows things that someone ten or fifteen years younger may not know or have experienced. Looking and feeling younger than our age, if we are so fortunate (not everyone is), does not mean we actually are younger or have flipped back the calendar. You’re still going to be 50, and that’s ok.

Often, in midlife, people have watched their children grow to adulthood, perhaps have added grandchildren to their family. People in midlife have experienced loss. Many have changed careers, some multiple times. By those midlife years we have gained experiences, skills, and perspectives that can only come with time. This is something to embrace and celebrate, not to deny or reframe.

What we consider “midlife” does seem to be stretching out more and more.

How we define “old” is certainly changing. There was a time when anything past 65 was considered “old.” Now, we see many of our public figures and leaders in their 70s, even 80s. I can envision people thinking of themselves as having at least three seasons for their lives and careers, one for younger adulthood, another career for midlife, and yet another one for the years we have formerly considered “older.” Rather than “retiring,” we may just shift to yet another phase of career and a different type of productivity.

I propose that rather than thinking of 50 as the new 40 (or 60 as the new 50), we reframe what it means to be 50. To be the best version of ourselves at whatever age we are.

Embrace what it means to be your age. You’ve earned it. Present yourself to others in all the right ways that take advantage of how awesome it can be to experience these midlife years. Age is like the proverbial river that is never the same when we step into it. You won’t live today twice. There is no do-over. There is a certain freedom that midlife brings. You’ll never again be the age you are right now, so why not embrace every bit of it?

___________________________________________

Related posts:

https://cliffordberger.com/what-does-life-expectancy-mean/

https://cliffordberger.com/thriving-in-the-seasons-of-your-life/

You should tell the story of your life. At least for your own family.

Really–a life worth living is a story worth telling. 

Right now, the genre of personal “memoir” is very popular. You can find all kinds of resources and courses on how to do it. But people assume that to write a memoir, one must be either already famous or noteworthy, or else a narcissist, as if somehow telling your story is indicative of a personality disorder.

These are erroneous assumptions.

I propose that we need more stories of ordinary lives, ordinary people. As a student of history, I find such stories important and compelling. Historians, in fact, often rely on simple and everyday material such as letters, business documents, telegrams, etc., to piece together the texture of life in times past. 

I have visited many cemeteries, in both the US and the UK. Ok, at least I find this interesting, in the way a student of history does. And I know many might find it boring or morbid. Even so, I think about the fact that some of the very old stones in these cemeteries are all that is left of a life once lived. The date of birth and death, and maybe a passage of scripture or other sentiment. Sometimes the stones are so worn that even these are illegible. Nothing else remains. 

How I wish to know what those lives were like, in the everyday sense.

Even my elderly family members, parents and grandparents who have passed on, live only in the memory of those who knew them personally, and in the items they have passed down to us.

My own grandparents on my father’s side were born in 1901. They both died in the 1980s, when I was still a young adult. I have my own memories of them, but these are limited to the portion of their lives when they were already pretty old. Like, my current age and older. In my youthful ignorance, I neglected to have them tell me more of their own lives, stories from when they were younger. Now it is too late, and they left little behind by way of any written record. A few family stories that get told around holiday tables, but those who remember those stories are now aging as well.

I wish they had written more of it down.

In fact, I wish that there was more of a record of my great-grandparents, whom I never knew. The lives and choices of those ancestors only three generations before me have affected my life in profound ways. Yet, I know very little about them.

It doesn’t have to be that way. Why not tell our own story, so that at least our grandchildren and great-grandchildren will know something of our own lives that will shape theirs as well.

Besides that, even non-family members may find our life stories interesting. Fifty or 100 years from now, people may appreciate a window into the ordinary lives of people who grew up largely in the 20th century.

When I was in high school, The Waltons was a popular TV show.

Even as a teenager, I watched it regularly. Earl Hamner Jr. was the originator of the series, telling stories based on his own life growing up during the Great Depression. The lives of the Walton family were ordinary for the time, but a generation or two removed found it compelling, and the series lasted nine seasons.

It didn’t really sink in to me at the time that the Walton children were basically the age of my own parents during the Depression. I may have known more about this semi-fictional family, at least as a teenager, than I did about my own parents and grandparents. The anecdotes and reflections on everyday events that made up The Waltons, and the fact that Earl Hamner Jr. wrote them down, were less complete in my own family history. 

I wish that my parents and grandparents had written or recorded more of their own lives, while they had the chance. Actually, my father did start to do this, but he was already over 80 years old when he started. He wrote by hand in a spiral bound notebook, but he was only getting started before he wasn’t able to continue with it.

I wish he had started when he was fifty, and just chipped away at it over the years.

So, why don’t more of us do that? What is keeping us from it? If celebrities in their 20s can write and publish autobiographies, then surely an ordinary person who has lived 45, or 50, or 60 years on this earth also has a story to tell.

I began writing my own memoirs probably eight or nine years ago, in my mid-fifties. I wish I had started sooner, but that’s when the idea came to me. At first I just wanted to write a few things that I could pass along to my kids, but as I began to organize it, the project became more comprehensive. 

My method works for me, because I work on it a little here and there, when things occur to me. And I have no particular time constraints or deadlines. Other than that I would like to write as much as I can in whatever time I have left.

I’ll share here my approach, and then offer some general tips and information for those of you who may wish to organize and write your own story.

First off, I’m not trying to write for publication. At least not in my lifetime. If I were, I would use a different format and tell it as more of a cohesive story, as if writing a novel. In my case, I’m just trying to relate as many anecdotes and memories as possible as possible, in a general chronological order.

I started off using Evernote, and later switched to Google docs.

I created an overall life timeline, starting with a Prologue. This was a section where I wrote whatever I knew of my parents, grandparents, and even great grandparents. Not their life story, just the basics of where they had lived and what they did in the years leading up to when I was born. This is about one page, single spaced.

After that I created headings for the time blocks of my life. This is partly organized around school and jobs, or life events and stages, and labeled by years or decades. There is a section for birth to age six (1957 to 1963), grade school (1963 to 1969), junior high through high school (1969 to 1975), college years (1975 to 1980), graduate school (1980 to 1983), and then basically by decade after that–1980s, 90s, 2000s, 2010s.

Within each of those sections I have subsections for major events such as marriage, birth of children, major job changes, etc.

Beyond that, I have short sections for whatever specific anecdotes or memories I want to record. Some of this reads like episodes from the 1990s TV show, Friends–i.e., “The One About…”

These little sections include all kinds of things.

My memory and description of the farm my family had when I was young, what our houses were like, our favorite foods as a family, any trips we took, etc. I have sections on my recollections of the Kennedy assassination from the perspective of a first grader, of what TV was like in the 1960s, of the Apollo moon landings, the Vietnam War,  the time I met Johnny Cash, etc. I’ve described my memories of getting a driver’s license, books that I read, music I liked, how our family celebrated holidays. Anything of the sort that I wish I had known from my grandparents’ lives fifty years before that. 

In sections for later decades I have accomplishments in school, dating and marriage, memories of our kids’ births, family gatherings and celebrations, buying our house, etc. I also include reflections on things like 9/11, or other big events from the world stage. But mostly it is my recollections of the stuff of everyday life.

In the past twenty years or so I have had the opportunity to travel to a number of countries and global cities, and to have memorable cultural experiences. I’ve kept a journal of a number of these trips, writing daily in real time. In these cases, I’ve just copied and pasted the journals for those trips where they fit into my memoir chronology. Perhaps someone, someday, might be interested in reading about international travel in the early 21st century.

Anyhow, you get the idea. This is how I organize my life memories, and it works for me. 

The beauty of this approach is that I can dip in and write something for any section or period of time, as the memory occurs to me or as I have time. I’m not writing it as a continuous story that has to hold together, so this is easy to do. A lot of it is just the memories of things such as what I’ve told my kids at the dinner table over the years.

Sometimes, when I don’t have time or inclination to write out a whole memory or anecdote, I’ll just write in a short subtitle, so I can return and flesh it out later. Looking at unwritten sections I see such topics as, “Meeting Brooks Robinson,” “First airplane flight,” “Watergate,” and “Beach Boys concert, 1975.” I haven’t written anything on those yet, but at least I have categories that will be easy to flesh out with a couple of paragraphs when I have time. All it often takes is 10-15 minutes to write out the basic recollection of an event. I sometimes return to some of them and flesh them out with more detail.

As you can see, this is not a short-term project.

My approach is informal and anecdotal. I’ve picked away at it for some years already, and will work on it for years to come. With this approach, it doesn’t even need a conclusion–it can go on for as long as I have the ability to recall and to write. Plus, you don’t have to wait until you have lived to a certain point. Any adult can start recording memories of their life up to that point. The sooner you start, the better.

In my case, who knows, once I have written enough chronological anecdotal memories, I might see a way to shape it into more of an overall story.

As I indicated, the genre of memoir has become popular, and there are many resources and guidelines. Your goal and purpose for writing will shape your approach and how you wish to organize it. If you want to write a publishable book-type of memoir, do some of your own study on format and writing styles. Keep in mind that technically, there is a difference between an autobiography and a memoir. An autobiography is often an entire life story, especially of a more famous person. A memoir may be deep and personal reflections of just a part of one’s story or set of experiences. My own approach, I suppose, is a blend of these. But hey, it’s my story, and I can tell it however I want (especially if I’m not trying to sell it!).

Technically, my format isn’t a true memoir, but it at least provides a structure for recording experiences and memories for the future. The nice thing is that I can jump in anywhere on the chronology, and write a little something when I’m thinking about it, and there is already a place for it.

As an example of the “The One About…” nature of it, here are a few categories from my grade-school section that I haven’t yet written about, but the little heading is enough to tell me all I need to know to write a couple of paragraphs about each of those things when I have the chance or the inclination:

The dead cow

Drilling a well

BB gun

Sawdust pile fire

Christmas flood

Camping at the Old Mill

Stepping on a nail

Those phrases by themselves don’t mean anything to someone else, but they do to me, and they are just sitting there inviting me to write something. Sometimes all I do is let my memory wander, and write down categories like this without fleshing them out. Other times I jump in and actually write something. The organized randomness of it works for me!

Here are some tips and suggestions, especially if you want to write a more formal memoir:

• Choose a theme, or portion of time (I haven’t done this–I’m writing everything I can remember).
• Hook the reader, just as with a novel (I haven’t done this either, at least not yet).
• Write like a novelist, even if it is the truth.
• Don’t include everything (I’ve violated that as well, including recollections of small and inane things, that might be funny or memorable).
• Follow the rules of writing fiction.
• Write in a personal way, in your own natural voice, as if you’re talking to someone.
• Write on a regular basis.

SUMMARY

The main thing is to recognize that if you are an adult, especially in midlife or older, you have lived and experienced any number of things. These things are unique to you. You’ve lived your life, and have your own memories and experiences–no one else is like you. You need to tell your story, or at least some of it.

At the very least, your family will benefit from having some stories and recollections from the life you’ve lived. How complete you want to make it is up to you. Start small and see if it grows from there. 

Maybe someday, your great-grandkids will have a chance to learn about a life lived, one that has shaped their own. A Seasoned Life deserves to be remembered.

_________________________________________________

Resources on Memoir:

https://www.masterclass.com/articles/6-tips-for-writing-a-memoir#what-is-a-memoir

https://nybookeditors.com/2016/03/how-to-write-a-memoir-that-people-care-about/

https://marionroach.com/twenty-top-tips-for-writing-memoir/

Related posts:

https://cliffordberger.com/how-to-leave-a-legacy/

There is one day in my entire life when I can legitimately write a post with this title, and that is now. That’s right, today I turn 64–just like in the Beatles’ song!

Not that I’ve been looking forward to turning a year older, mind you, but I have anticipated writing this post. One of my colleagues reminded me the other day that I’m now in my mid-60s, not just early 60s. Thanks, friend, haha.

First some thoughts on the Beatles song by that title…

Did you know that Paul McCartney was only 14 when he wrote this in 1956? This was several years even before the formation of the Beatles as a band. It was one of the very first songs McCartney ever wrote. The fact that it is literary, whimsical, and insightful beyond his years serves to reinforce his brilliance as one of the greatest songwriters of all time. 

The Beatles were known to play the song live in early performances, but it was not recorded and released until the album Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band made its debut on May 26, 1967. That happened to be four days after my 10th birthday. I actually own an original copy of the Sgt. Pepper album, which I imagine may have some value by now.

The song itself is on the theme of aging.

This makes it also an interesting choice for McCartney at age 14. Even when the song was released on the album in 1967, he was just shy of 26 years old. Still so far from age 64 in real life. I wonder what caused him to focus on this theme at to young an age?

When I’m 64 is written from the perspective of a young man to his girl, musing about what it will be like to grow old together. One pictures a retired older couple, puttering around their village home, fixing things, playing with grandchildren, taking drives–”Doing the garden, digging the weeds, who could ask for more?” Indeed, a simple and fulfilling life with one’s life partner, what more could we want?

The average life expectancy of American men was 67 in 1967, when this song was released. This was up from just age 63 in 1945. So at the time, it reflected the twilight of one’s life. I remember hearing this song when it would play on the radio from time to time when I was in Jr. High and High School in the early 70s, and thinking that age 64 did indeed sound pretty old. As it must when you are only 16 or so.

Now that I’m actually 64, I think of it a bit differently. 

I don’t entirely relate to the words, as it doesn’t describe my life. I feel younger than the life described in the song, not yet ready to slip into the quiet puttering of twilight years. I’m still employed, and hope to be for some time to come. I have things to accomplish, and places I want to go. Yes, I do the gardening, and dig the weeds (who could ask for more?). But somehow there is more than that. 

Yes, I’m quite aware of the passing of years, and how much more precious each one becomes. Somehow we become much more keenly aware of this after age 50 or so, especially after age 60. Even more so, I find, at 64. Mortality seems more real, and less abstract. But the life depicted in the song, resigned to fading away, doesn’t connect with how I feel.

Paul McCartney himself is now 78 years old.

Age 64 is now long in the rear-view mirror for him. Why did he choose 64 as the age for an elderly person when he wrote the song at just 14? Well, I imagine that it must have sounded pretty old to him. Fifty years in the future at that time. But guess what? At age 78 McCartney is planning to perform for his “Freshen Up” tour before the end of 2021. So there! He doesn’t need the money. He just isn’t ready to stop doing what he loves and bringing joy to millions of fans.

So maybe 64 is not so bad. Neither is 50, or 42, or 35, or whatever age you are. The average life expectancy is now late 70s (much improved since 1967!). But that is neither an expiration date, nor a guarantee. 

So live your life, whatever your age, in the moment. Plan for the future, of course, but don’t forget to live in the present. 

And if you are facing one of those birthdays that ends in a Zero–well, just ignore the black balloons and jokes from friends. 

You’re not old–you’re just, Seasoned.

___________________________________________________

Related posts: https://cliffordberger.com/tom-brady-doesnt-think-he-is-old-so-why-should-you-think-you-are/