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Want to know how to look better in photos?

We’re more than one year into the COVID-19 crisis. Many of you have spent way more time at home this past year, either working entirely or partly from home, or just not going as many places.

A lot of you are ready for this to change.

All indications are that as we lurch toward improvement in the crisis, in some locations more than others of course, many people are eager to get out and go somewhere. The travel and hospitality industry is poised for better times as summer arrives. Whether that involves getting on a plane and crossing time zones, or just getting in the car and going somewhere closer, many people are ready to do some things.

And that means that you and others will have your phones and cameras out, ready to record and share the good times.

Are you ready to appear in photos again, at long last?

Yeah, some of you may have put on a few pounds over the past year. You could call it the “COVID-19.” Pounds, that is. Well, hopefully it isn’t that many. But whether it is or not, reappearing with family and friends may serve as a motivator to shed some of those pounds and get back to taking control of the way you want to present yourself to the world.

It may also involve setting aside whatever your quarantine uniform is, and paying a bit more attention to what you wear out and about.

In any case, over the coming summer months, you can be sure that you and others will be sharing images of the good times, whether it is a backyard BBQ, or a trip to Hawaii.

Here are some tips for looking your best in the inevitable photo season that is about to unfold (whether you’re ready or not)…

Dress for confidence.

 Whether you have a few extra pounds, or have used the quarantine months to get in fighting shape, wear clothes that make you feel confident and at your best. More than anything, pay attention to fit. 

Practice smiling and even posing, in front of a mirror (when you’re alone!). 

Then you’ll know what smile to use when facing the camera, and what it will look like.

Study photos of yourself. 

Note what you like and what you don’t. Keep doing the things you like.

How to stand or sit.

Angle your body and/or your face to the camera. 10-15 degrees, rather than looking at the camera head on. This will accentuate your jaw line.

Create good posture. Stand with confidence and don’t slump your shoulders.

See some examples in the Gallery on my website: https://cliffordberger.com/style/

Think about where you put your hands. 

Avoid putting them in your pockets. Also avoid folding your hands in front of you, as if you’re a groomsman in a wedding. Try hooking one thumb in your belt or the front of a pocket, and let the other hang loose. Or try the folded arm look, if you feel comfortable with that.

Know which side of your face you favor. 

Studies have shown that for many people it is the left side (for me it’s my right–go figure).

Take photos from above. 

For selfies, hold the camera slightly above your face. Same when someone else is taking your photo. If you are seated, it is best for the camera person to be standing up.

A few other tips…

Keep your chin down

Smile with your eyes

Don’t always look directly at the camera lens in candid photos. 

Blink just before the camera clicks.

Avoid direct bright light.

And if you forget any or all of these things–don’t worry about it, just have some fun. You’ll look great anyway!

Related Posts:

https://cliffordberger.com/develop-your-personal-uniform/

Striving for proficiency versus mastery

You’ve probably heard of the 10,000 hour principle. 

That is, to master something and achieve excellence, you need to spend about 10,000 hours in diligent practice.

Malcolm Gladwell proposed this principle in his 2008 book, Outliers: The Story of Success.* In this book, he explored the reasons that some people are exceedingly high achievers, to debunk the idea that they achieved just because of some natural giftedness. In other words, it took lots of hard work. 

So, how does 10,000 hours break down into something we can understand? 

One way of looking at it is that it comes out equal to 250 forty hour work weeks. So if you engage in focused practice eight hours a day, five days a week, by this standard you could master something in about five years. If you worked at it full-time and did little else. And we’re not just talking about clocking time, but rather focused and deliberate engagement, with goals and benchmarks for success.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t find this very encouraging. It would seem that for most people, reaching that kind of mastery and excellence may be possible for only one or two things in a lifetime. 

I imagine that this 10k hour principle has kept some people from trying or starting something they might enjoy doing. Being made to feel that unless you can play the cello like Yo-Yo Ma, or ski like Bode Miller, don’t bother to try. There are plenty of motivational experts who urge their followers to either commit to excellence, or don’t do it at all.


Are you ready to commit to 10k hours with everything you try?

Most people won’t devote that kind of time to a hobby.

That is, unless you stretch the hours out over the many years of a lifetime. But hobbies are such mainly because we enjoy doing them as a distraction. We’re not needing or seeking mastery. And yet, some hold back trying something because they think they won’t be “good enough.”

When you think about it, many people actually do put in that kind of time, and more, on their profession or career. If you are in midlife, as many of my readers are, and have worked in a career, discipline or trade for many years, likely you have already put in the time. Congratulations–you may already have attained mastery and excellence in at least one area that is of paramount importance to your life!

In my case, I have worked in adult education of one sort or another for more than 35 years. While there is always more to learn, I can say that I’ve achieved some level of mastery and expertise in this field. It is my life’s work, my career, the way I have made my living for decades. It is important to me to be more than just good enough. I’ve put in the time, the study, and I have the experience to have confidence in my expertise.

On the other hand, I have played the guitar for even longer than that. Since I was in high school, more than 45 years ago. I’m pretty good at it, at least in a limited range of guitar styles that most interest me. But I am nowhere near being a master or an expert, even though over 45 years I likely have put in the 10k hours. 

So if I’ve put in the time, why am I not a master guitar player? Why can’t I play like Eric Clapton or Brad Paisley? 

Well, I never set out to do that. It is not my career, it is just something I enjoy doing. It reveals that just doing something for 10k hours, by itself, does not create mastery. If it did, then many people would by now be master practitioners of watching television, as adults average around 4-5 hours a day of TV watching!

Gladwell himself indicated that the hours require focused discipline and practice. It may also involve instruction and mentorship. Just logging hours isn’t enough for mastery.

But how many things do we need to “master” in a lifetime? Maybe the one or two areas that become our profession or career. By midlife, you likely have already accomplished that.

So what about other things you may wish to do? So-called “Bucket List” items? Certainly, you don’t need to master them in order to reach some level of enjoyment.

To be proficient, to be “good enough.”

Surely there is something between being a novice and being a 10k hour expert?

Yes, there is. 

I read recently, and I don’t remember where, that to be “proficient” at many things only takes about 30 hours. 

This is good news for people who want to play a bit of guitar, or learn to ski, or take up photography or fly fishing. Even to learn some conversational basics of a second language. You can actually get pretty good at any of those things by starting from scratch and practicing for 30 hours. Maybe not great, but good enough to enjoy yourself and enrich your life with some new interest. Some things don’t even take 30 hours, and some might need a bit more.

Of course, if it is something you enjoy doing, you’re likely to continue to engage in the activity, just because you enjoy it. And you’ll continue to get better at it over time.

Let’s say after a while you’ve done something for several hundred hours.

At that point you might be considered an accomplished amateur. Not a world-class master, but at least “good enough” or even better. Maybe even good enough to do it as a side-hustle. Or not, and focus instead on the joy it brings.

Most of us in midlife, if we’re in our 40s to 60s, don’t have the time or need to achieve mastery or excellence in something besides our profession. But don’t let the 10k hour principle dissuade you from giving some other things a try.

With only a few hours invested, you can probably become “good enough” to bring some joy to yourself or others.


What would you like to try? What skill to develop? Can you commit to 30 hours of practice? Midlife is NOT too late to develop some new skills and interests. In fact, it’s the best time of life to do so.

And maybe become the World’s Most Interesting Man along the way.

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*Some have pushed back on Gladwell, arguing that the 10k hour principle is flawed, or too simplistic:

https://www.6seconds.org/2020/01/25/the-great-practice-myth-debunking-the-10000-hour-rule/

https://www.makeuseof.com/tag/10000-hour-rule-wrong-really-master-skill/

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Related posts:

https://cliffordberger.com/how-to-thrive-in-the-harvest-season-of-life/

You keep using that expression, “Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps.” I do not think it means what you think it means. (apologies to Inigo Montoya 🙂

You’ve often heard that expression about your own bootstraps, usually regarding self-reliance, rugged individualism, and succeeding without help from others.

That’s not what the expression meant originally.

Back in the days when more people actually wore boots, many of them came with a small strap or tab on each shoe. This was to hold onto for extra leverage when pulling the boots onto your feet. 

In the early 19th century, an expression began to circulate about “pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps.” The thing is, this was said with irony and sarcasm. It referred to something that was impossible to do by yourself. Just the opposite of how people use it today.

Think about it…

If you’re standing on the ground with your feet in your boots, try reaching down and pulling on the straps and lifting yourself into the air. Absurd, right? That’s how it was meant to sound.

Another example would be to stand inside of a big bucket, and reach down and try to pick up the bucket, with you in it. Impossible, isn’t it? 

Yeah, in the 19th century they used it as a humorous, absurd, and ironic way of describing something you can’t do by yourself. 

Somewhere along the way, the expression changed into the opposite meaning. By the 1920s, it was used to describe something you do entirely by yourself, without any help. The expression itself didn’t change, just the meaning assigned to it. And yet, it still sounds absurd when you think about it. I’m not sure why the meaning changed (maybe because people quit wearing boots with straps?).

In real life, initiative and personal responsibility are important, of course. But we have to admit that many of our accomplishments come with the support of others. Either directly or indirectly. It is foolish to think that we live and function independently of community with others.

Those of us in midlife are aware–or ought to be aware–of the gaps in our own abilities and resources. We’ve lived long enough to have experienced the ways things can go badly when we try to go it alone. None of us has all the wisdom and skills to go through life without the support of others.

In my regular job I am part of a particularly effective team.

We are friends as well as colleagues for accomplishing our mission. Each of us brings something unique to the team, and we benefit from the dynamic of this collaborative way of functioning.

We often joke with one another that we are three star players, but together we form a five-star team. 

If this is true in a workplace team, it is also true in life. We really do need one another. For most of us, rugged individualism is a guilt-inducing myth. We function better in community with others.

One day, when we’re in the winter of our lives, we’ll realize how much we need support and companionship from others. Don’t wait until then to cultivate these relationships, with family and with friends.
 

In full disclosure, this is not easy for me, and does not come naturally. When faced with challenges, my tendency is to pull inward and rely on my own resources (ask my team at work). This is partly due to how I was raised. But I consider it something to correct, not a personal strength. I’m working on this, kind of like a spiritual discipline.

I continue to learn–and I hope you do as well–that life is not a solo journey, and we really do need one another–in any season of life.

Some things you can’t do for yourself.

Like pull yourself up by your own bootstraps…

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For more on the background of this expression, see this article by etymologist and contributing editor of the Oxford English Dictionary, Barry Popik: 

https://www.barrypopik.com/index.php/new_york_city/entry/pull_yourself_up_by_your_bootstraps/

See related posts: https://cliffordberger.com/get-better-with-age/

We take some words for granted. A word like “decision,” referring to something we do all the time. De-cision making is a learned skill.

Have you thought about the origin of this word, “De-cision”?

As with so many English words, it comes from a Latin root word, caedere, meaning “cut.”

In English (long story short), this has come down as the root form of “-cision.”

Consider some words formed by adding a prefix to this root:

• Pre-cision (to cut exactly)
• In-cision (to cut into)

Even the word “scissors” comes from the same root. And that’s why we refer to them as a “pair” of scissors. Each blade is a scissor, or a cutter, and they work together in a pair as a cutting instrument. (So is that why we refer to a “pair” of pants? Is each leg a “pant”? No idea)

• De-cision = to “cut away”

To make a de-cision is to cut away the extraneous, the things that complicate a situation. 
 

Down to the core of what actually needs doing.
 

This involves discipline and focus–to know what you want and is most important in life. To know what gets trimmed or peeled back to reveal the core of what is most necessary in a given situation.

Sometimes the cutting or trimming hurts. It may penetrate into things we think are important, but still aren’t essential.

We can grow weary of de-cisions, for sure. One of my good friends, Jason Clark, writes a blog that I recommend to you. In a recent post he writes of the very real phenomenon of “Decision Fatigue.” He notes how this has become especially acute during this season of COVID. Many of us are feeling this.

Even so, de-cisions are necessary, fatigue or not.

Every season of life involves its own kind of decisions. 

In high school, teenagers face decisions about what comes after graduation and their official entry into “adulthood.” To go to college, get a job (and what kind of job) join the military, save up and travel, or just sit in your mom’s basement–it seems that the options are wide open–and yet, often at that age young people don’t have the experience or wisdom to effectively deal with such options. Or to imagine where they will lead.

Similarly, college graduates have decisions about career opportunities, or to go to graduate school, whether or when to get married. And to whom. Couples make decisions about having children, buying houses, and all kinds of steps in life. 

Speaking of which, it can seem like all of this is right out of the Game of Life®. At the beginning, you make decisions about college or career, which career, getting married, buying life insurance, auto insurance, and all the other “necessaries” of a normal life. Later in the Game, players experience some of the benefits, or consequences, of those earlier choices.

Just like in real life.

Things seem to build up on one another over time.

Most of us make some decisions along the way that we may regret. Some people proudly say that they have lived their life with “no regrets.” I can’t help but wonder if a life without a few regrets has actually been lived.

But we adjust for those things, and continue to weave and wend our way through life, hopefully finding purpose and joy in the paths we choose.

Midlife (and even later life too), brings new kinds of decisions. More cutting and trimming to get to the core of what needs to be done.

Many of the decisions young people make are practical. Things like school, jobs, finances, relationships. 

In midlife, we may still have some of those kinds of decisions, but at another level. We’ve been living into our earlier decisions for years. Now we build on them, or perhaps re-negotiate them in a different direction.

In midlife, many of us are generally well-established in the foundational things. Now we need to make decisions about who and what we are going to be in the second half of our lives. These kinds of decisions require cutting, trimming, and penetrating. Slicing through decades of baggage we’ve accrued. Assumptions about who we are in contrast with who we once hoped to be. 

Many adults become empty-nesters in their 40s or 50s. After so many years of raising and caring for kids, that becomes a core part of who we are. Once the task is mostly done–now what are we going to do with our lives for the next thirty or forty years? We will always be parents to our children, but when they’re grown, and the next is empty, new identities apart from being “mom” or “dad” need to take shape. Some trimming and cutting away is necessary to make this happen.

Other de-cisions face the adult in midlife…

This may involve big-ticket things such as career advancement or change. Some will lose their jobs in midlife and face decisions about finding work, or starting a new career. It may involve decisions about going back to school, or moving to a new location. Some adults experience divorce, and the host of decisions that follow that big De-cision. Others face decisions about re-negotiating life within a marriage or a relationship, and moving forward with it into the next season.


Midlife often involves de-cisions regarding care and support of elderly parents. Or assuming responsibility for decisions when they pass away. Or medical decisions for oneself or for family members.

Some de-cisions may seem smaller, but still are consequential. Lifestyle decisions about losing some weight and getting fit, or adopting some new habits or hobbies. Financial decisions, writing a will, planning for retirement–on and on, there seems no end to decisions, regardless of the season of life.

And making decisions is hard. It requires effort, prioritizing, sometimes cutting away the baggage accrued by earlier decisions. 

Good decision-making, like critical thinking, is a learned skill.

Here are ten tips that may help with whatever decisions you face:

• Get control of the “Lizard Brain.” This is the part of our brain that responds with aggression or fear, with “fight or flight.” It functions from emotion. The Lizard Brain saves our lives in perilous situations, like if you’re attacked by a lion. But it is not the part of our brain most helpful in making regular de-cisions. For this we need a more calm and rational approach. Family Systems theory uses the term “self-differentiation.” This is the ability to set apart your own self, with your thoughts and feelings, from the thoughts, feelings, and priorities of others. To make good decisions, you must become a student of yourself.

• Give yourself time and space, when possible. It is hard to make good decisions when under stress and pressure. At the same time, don’t procrastinate. Neglecting to decide is often to decide.

• Study the situation, and weigh out pros and cons. It may help to actually write these out. Make two columns on a page, one for “Pro” and the other for “Con.” Which list is longer? Which list was easier to come up with? Do any of the pros and cons need testing or vetting?

• Create a list of other alternatives. The first thing that comes to mind often is not the best.

• Ask yourself, “What is the best thing that could happen if I choose this? What is the worst thing that could happen?”

• Perhaps something is clouding your perspective, that needs cutting or trimming away (de-cisioned). What baggage needs trimming away, that you just need to let go of? Write these down.

• Get input from others, as needed. There may be gaps in your thinking, or ways that you are wrong, that only other trusted voices can see. 

• Test, or prototype your options, if it is possible to do so. Perhaps you can “try out” something before committing to it entirely.

• Once you make a decision, create an action plan so that you really do it. Tell someone else, and ask for support or accountability.

• After a time, revisit your decision, evaluate it, and make adjustments as necessary.

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You know all those things you’ve always wanted to do?

You should go do them!

                                (E.J. Lamprey)

Related posts: https://cliffordberger.com/the-invisible-man-staying-relevant-and-visible-in-midlife/

The lowdown on neck gaiters…

So, I bought one of these neck gaiters / face protectors.

You’ll recall that in one of my recent posts, I suggested you might try wearing a men’s scarf while it is still winter.

But let’s say that some of you just aren’t into that look. Not comfortable giving it a try. Fair enough (I’ll convince you another time). Or, perhaps it seems a bit late in the season for a wool scarf, with spring just around the corner.

In that case, a neck gaiter is an effective alternative. I bought one and tried it this week, and so far I really like it. So here is my official review of at least one brand of neck gaiter (Copper Fit ®–As Seen on TV!).

Your first question may be, “Is this effective protection against COVID?”

My response: My research suggests that neck gaiters / face protectors are not a substitute for a regular mask, as protection against COVID or other viruses. In general, they are considered too thin and porous to effectively screen out viruses compared to a mask. 

It is good for outdoor use, and as a mask substitute in a pinch, but not as your go-to for virus protection. See the notes below for more information and resources on studies and research on face protectors, mask fabrics, etc.

That being the case, are there any other good reasons for using a neck gaiter / face protector? Yes, and here are a few:

• As concerns about COVID diminish, and we transition from wearing masks regularly, to situationally or not at all, something like this may be an acceptable transition option. Not as effective as a regular mask, but better than no mask at all. When I’m out on my daily 2-5 mile walk, I don’t usually wear a mask. I’m on side streets and in the open, not near people. But I’ve already found that when I pass anywhere near someone, it is easy to pull this up from my neck to my face, just as a courtesy.

• As winter transitions to springtime, a regular winter scarf may seem like too much. But we can still have some chilly temps, and it can feel good to cover your neck when you’re out and about. Is there a way to do that and still look cool? Yes, a lighter-weight neck gaiter is your answer! In my opinion, providing a bit of neck warmth when it is cool but not cold, is the best reason for this item. Plus, when I have it up on my face, it doesn’t fog up my glasses.

• If you do outdoors activity (fishing, biking, hunting, hiking, camping, etc.), this kind of item could come in handy. It is lightweight, so you barely notice when you just have it just on your neck. In those times when you encounter wind, dust, too much sun, etc., you have the option to pull it up for some extra face protection.

• The one I have is by Copper Fit ®, and they claim that the main benefits include keeping you cool (or warm, I would add), protection from harsh elements, and providing “peace of mind.” That last one sounds like something an insurance policy provides, but I’ll take it. Why not grab some “peace of mind” when you can? haha

• Inexpensive and a great value–this one sells for just under $10 anywhere from Amazon to Target. There are lots of other brands and models. You can find them with tactical looks, skull images, flags, etc. This basic pattern in charcoal grey is more my style.

• Best thing of all? They look pretty cool.  When I put this thing on I feel like I’m getting ready to rob a train. If I could pull that off (even if I choose not to), then I feel like I can handle anything else the day throws at me!

Bottom line: for less than ten bucks, get one and keep it in your coat pocket for when you’re out and about! 

See related post: https://cliffordberger.com/try-wearing-a-mens-winter-scarf/
 

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Face protectors and virus protection:

See this study from Duke University on various fabrics used in various types of masks and face coverings: https://advances.sciencemag.org/content/6/36/eabd3083

The ones with copper-infused fabric (like the one I bought) may be better than plain fabric. Studies show that copper does have antimicrobial value (https://aem.asm.org/content/77/5/1541.full). But note that this study dates from 2011, pre-COVID. 

Note also that even Copper Fit’s own website makes no evident claim to COVID protection with the neck gaiters: https://www.getguardwell.com/IDVCFGFP/4.0000/index.dtm

I’ve had some comments urging a few more posts with practical tips on men’s style. So I’m going to squeeze this one in while it is still officially winter. Try wearing a men’s winter scarf! I should have written this one a couple of months ago. But hey, it is still winter for a few more weeks! Here in Portland we’re still getting low temperatures in the 30s. And it’s colder than that where some of you are.

If you aren’t already wearing a men’s scarf in cold weather, you should give it a try. 

It’s one of the best men’s accessories, both functional and adds a bit of dash to your style.

If you’re a man, in your 40’s to 60’s, this is the time of life when you can look and feel great wearing a winter scarf.

One of the great things about being a midlife man is that you can embrace some elements of classic style, and not feel weird about it. 

You’re expected to look a little more statesmanlike. You can do some things that add class whether you’re dressing it up or going casual.

Classic looking men’s scarves have become one of my favorite items in the fall to late winter. I take a substantial walk nearly every day (2-5 miles most of the time). Even though where I live in Portland, Oregon isn’t usually bitterly cold. But it can still be pretty chilly when you’re out walking for an hour or two. Even if I have on a warm jacket, if my neck is exposed, somehow I still feel cold. If my neck is warm, I’m warm.

Men’s neckwear actually has a long and illustrious history. It goes all the way back to ancient China and the Roman empire. Neckwear has often been a part of military dress throughout history, often used to denote rank and status.

By the 18th and 19th centuries, scarves and other neckwear had begun to evolve into what were called “cravats,” which were the precursor of today’s necktie. 

Scarves were very popular was with pilots during World War I. They were necessary to keep warm while flying. But they liked them so well that they became part of the pilots’ regular uniform. Soldiers in the trenches wore them, too.

By the early 20th century, long neckties were worn by both men and women. Neckties are still around today, though mainly as a men’s item, and not as common with men as they used to be. You should still own a couple of ties, at the very least for those occasions that call for dressing up a bit. I’ll say more about neckties another time.

But a scarf is NOT a necktie. Scarves are more functional than decorative, and are generally worn with jackets outside, not indoors.

You shouldn’t worry about a scarf seeming feminine. If you’re a man in midlife you have the confidence not to worry about that anyhow. But men’s scarves are not the same as ones for women. They are made of different materials, in colors that look great with menswear.

Here’s a photo of some of my collection of favorite winter scarves:

You can see that I tend to favor plaid or tartan patterns, in durable wool-type fabrics. I wear the three on the left the most. The brown one is the “Burberry” type of pattern (though not a genuine Burberry). The red one is the Royal Stewart tartan, and the dark blue/green one is the Scottish “Black Watch” tartan. This was worn by the 43rd Highland Regiment, known as the “Black Watch” regiment. If it’s good enough for them, it’s good enough for me!.

Those three look great with nearly anything I wear in the colder months, mostly with casual wear. Even if you’re just wearing denim jeans and a casual jacket, any of those add to the look and will help keep you warm.

Perhaps you happen to have some Scottish in your family background (as I do, from the McDonald clan). If so, do a bit of research and figure out what your family heritage tartan is. But you don’t have to be Scottish–the ones you see here are “universal” tartans to be worn by anyone.

Wondering how to tie or wrap a men’s scarf on your neck? I usually keep it very simple, using one of just three styles.

Here is an article from “Real Men / Real Style” with eleven options for tying a scarf. To be honest, I’ve never tried most of these knots. They’re more complicated than I want to be. The only ones I use are the “Once Around,” the “Over Hand,” and the “Fake Knot.” That’s all you’ll need, unless you want to get experimental.

These days, there’s another practical aspect to having a scarf around my neck. If I find myself without a face mask, I can just pull the scarf up over my mouth and nose!

Even though the winter is winding down, there may still be some cold or windy days left. This is still time for you to make use of a scarf. And as the season is winding down, you may get even better prices from either your local department store or ordering online (Amazon has lots of options). You can get nice looking ones for under $25, delivered tomorrow! Better quality, such as wool or cashmere, comes at a higher price. The Burberry pattern on the left is cashmere, but I got it in Hong Kong for super cheap ($14 or so, at the street markets). The three in the middle I bought at the Edinburgh Woolen Mills stores in the UK. They’re wool and nice quality, but only about $30 US. 

If you buy one now, just hang onto it.m You’ll be all set in the fall when the cool weather comes around once again!

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Related post: https://cliffordberger.com/develop-your-personal-uniform/

Tom Brady doesn’t think he is old…

…so why should you think YOU are?

Just because you are no longer a “young adult” doesn’t mean that you’re an “old adult” either.

So, here’s some of what critics were saying about Tom Brady during this year’s NFL season, BEFORE his epic Super Bowl win:
 

“He’s a week away from arthritis…”

“Tom Brady is just about done… he’s playing like an average quarterback and there might be no going back.”

“Tom Brady is showing signs of a decline. Is it real or is it another mirage?”

“Tom Brady, welcome to Florida’s quarterbacking graveyard.”

“At this age, I don’t think he’s capable of doing what some of the other guys on that list are doing.”

Yeah, Tom Brady was the one who didn’t notice that he’s supposed to be too old for success in the NFL.

It seemed like Brady should have nothing left to prove. Prior to this season he already had six Super Bowl rings. Now with seven rings, he has more championships than any other player. More than any other NFL franchise. In nearly 20 years in the NFL, he had accomplished more than most could dream of. Maybe it should be time to move on.

Tom Brady turned age 43 just before the beginning of this last season. This is Ancient of Days in NFL years, especially for a quarterback. Midlife. He had played for 20 years with the New England Patriots. To play that long, and with one team, is beyond remarkable. I don’t know all the reasons why he went to play with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, a team that had not even made the postseason since 2007-08. They had not won a postseason game in 18 years. 

For a quarterback, this should have been a place to go in order to coast into retirement. No one expected much to happen there.

Except for Tom Brady, who forgot that he is supposed to be too old.

In one year, he took a losing team to the Super Bowl. Much to the surprise of many.

Of course, just getting to the Super Bowl was remarkable, something few expected could happen.

This year’s Super Bowl, in the minds of many, was supposed to be a passing of the baton from the Old to the New. From the legendary, but aging Tom Brady, to the hot young quarterback Patrick Mahomes. The quarterback who, incidentally, had just last year led the KC Chiefs to their first Super Bowl win in 50 years.

Suddenly it seemed appropriate that Brady make one last appearance. It is always reassuring to see tradition passed from one generation to the next. To know that the game is still in good hands.

Many expected Brady to put in a decent performance in his swan song. And to cheer a repeat by a quality Kansas City team. 

Except for Tom Brady himself, who forgot that he is supposed to be too old.

Younger teammates were looking to Brady’s leadership in the build-up to the game. You could expect that many of them would just be happy to be in the game. Except that Tom Brady, their leader, had convinced them they were going to win it. Players later related how for weeks Brady kept rallying them, texting them at all hours, pointing out weaknesses in the Chiefs’ defensive line, telling them they were going to win. And they believed him.

In this year’s COVID Super Bowl, Brady did in fact get off to a bit of a slow start. But after just a few plays he found his groove. He methodically began to put together an offensive rhythm that dominated the game. The Tampa Bay defense did their part as well, inspired by Brady’s insistence that they could dominate that side of the game as well. His influence was felt even when he wasn’t on the field, lifting the defense to a likewise inspiring performance that held the Chiefs to three field goals and no touchdowns.

It was Tom Brady’s day. The quarterback who ignored that he is supposed to be too old.
 

Whether you like him or not, you have to admit that Brady is one of the best, if not the best, to ever play the game. Sports pundits (who know way more than I do) are debating even whether he is not just the greatest quarterback ever (that is pretty much settled), but maybe even the greatest team sports athlete of all time. Arguable, of course, but based on his record of success, you can certainly make a case for it.

This Bleacher Report article, from 2015, asks us to imagine Tom Brady playing ten years from now.

Somehow, it doesn’t seem so crazy. Brady is now talking about playing at age 45. Yeah, he doesn’t think of himself as old.

Why my focus on Tom Brady in this post? 

Perhaps because he helps us re-think what midlife is supposed to be. To “move the chains” so to speak, on how we think of aging. 

I have people say, far too often, how old they feel or how old they’re getting–when they’re only in their 40s! 

People who say, “Yeah, I turned 40 (or 50), and the wheels came off and everything stopped working.”

Admittedly, some people have genuine physical issues to contend with. These may be related to age or they may not. If that is you, then for sure, take care of yourself in whatever way is necessary, medically or otherwise.

And maybe for some of us, things actually DON’T work quite as well. That’s ok. It doesn’t mean you’re “old.” Just seasoned.

I’m talking about mindset.

40 and 50 (or 60) is too young to start thinking of yourself as “old.” Not these days, when people commonly live into their 80s and 90s (Queen Elizabeth II, anyone?). If you think you’re old at 45 or 50, then how is that going to affect the way you live your life for the next 35 years?

Adults age 40-45 are typically in a transition season (one of several such transitions throughout our adult lives). These are the years when you come to terms with no longer thinking of yourself as a “young adult.” It is a difficult transition for many people, and some respond to it in crisis mode, trying to hang onto the identity of their younger selves.

But just because you are no longer a “young adult” doesn’t mean that you’re an “old adult” either. 

What we call “midlife” can stretch out for a long time, from 40s to 60s and beyond, before people reach what would be considered “old.” Tom Brady is on the young side of midlife, and he acts accordingly. He likes playing football–why not keep doing it?

Consider not just Tom Brady, but think of many of our top political leaders. Without naming names, we all know that many of them are in their 70s.

Heck, the Rolling Stones are in their late 70s, and planning their “No Filter” tour for 2021! They took a year off touring so Mick Jagger could have heart surgery in 2019. Yeah, that happened. The combined age of the four Rolling Stones is 308 years. Never mind that Keith Richards may not look like someone who is actually alive, but he is! 

You could make the case that the Rolling Stones are the Tom Brady’s of rock music. Or maybe it should be the other way around.

Hasn’t anyone told all these people that they’re old? 

Evidently not. Or, they don’t care. They just keep playing football, making music, running for office, and doing whatever they have always done. Why not?

Age is a mindset. How old would you think you are, if you didn’t know your age? There are indigenous people groups who don’t keep meticulous track of each passing year, the way many of us do, as if on some life-long reverse NASA countdown. They just live their lives.

Tom Brady is 43. Only 43. Maybe that is considered old in football years, but Brady is pushing the boundaries of how we think about that. He is in that transitional phase. Is he having a midlife crisis, and working it out by continuing to excel at what he loves? I wouldn’t know. But if he is, there are worse ways to do it.

What season of life are you in?

Are you living life, without too much regard for the number of birthdays? Or do you think of yourself as “old,” long before it is time? Try not to give in to that, even if others around you are.

Whether you’re a football fan or not, try and take a little inspiration from Tom Brady (or the Rolling Stones), and be your own G.O.A.T.

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Related posts: https://cliffordberger.com/get-better-with-age/https://cliffordberger.com/get-better-with-age/

Three chords and the truth…

I like old-style, classic country music, I say without apology. 
 

Oh, I like lots of other music styles too. I won’t name them all, but will leave you to guess. I do love music. I even play a bit of several instruments. I imagine not all of you like country music. That’s ok, I won’t judge you 🙂
 

But for me, classic country music is probably my musical home-base, what I can always be in the mood for.
 

Pretty much anything from the 1990s on back to the roots of country music with the Carter family in the 1920s.
 

I like the raw and homespun sound of the early recordings, originally called “Hillbilly Music.” On up through Roy Acuff, Hank Williams, Johnny Cash, Buck Owens, George Jones and Tammy Wynette, Loretta Lynn, Don Williams, Waylon Jennings. And the neo-traditional singers of the 80s and 90s–George Strait, Patty Loveless, Randy Travis, Vince Gill, Emmy Lou Harris, Alan Jackson, and too many others to mention by name.
 

Give me fiddles, steel guitar, and a Telecaster. The twangier the better. 
 

But what I like most of all are the lyrics. It’s all about the lyrics. Country music style is simple, basic, unsophisticated. Predictable chord structures that go where your brain wants them to. But the music is just a delivery vehicle for the words. Words that often tell a story. 
 

The great songwriter Harlan Howard once described country music as “Three Chords and the Truth.”
 

Classic country lyrics are about the stuff of everyday life. Sure, there are some silly and fluffy songs, just like in any genre. But much of it is profound, in simple ways. Telling the stories of life, death, love, and loss. The stories of home, family, faith. The struggles of working men and women, trying to get by. 
 

No wonder the musical style is simple and unsophisticated. It needs to be, in order to support and not overpower the simple and unsophisticated lyrics that touch our souls.

You might guess that I’m leading up to something. You’d guess right.

I’ve been on an Alan Jackson binge the last few days. Some of his songs are just fun, but others are simple and profound. 
 

One that I find myself listening to over again is one of his more recent hits (2017), “The Older I Get.”
 

Alan didn’t pen the lyrics of this one himself. Credit goes to songwriters Adam Wright, Hailey Whitters, and Sarah Allison Turner. 
 

But Alan Jackson gave it his voice, and the ring of truth rooted in his season of life. Mr. Jackson is 62 years old, very nearly my age. He recorded this song when he was 59. I think it required someone who was at least 50 years old to do justice to it. 
 

I’ll share it here with you, just because it fits the theme of my blog, A Seasoned Life. Alan Jackson seems to understand, and present very well, what could be an anthem of midlife.
 

Food for thought…

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The older I get

The more I think

You only get a minute, better live while you’re in it

‘Cause it’s gone in a blink

And the older I get

The truer it is

It’s the people you love, not the money and stuff

That makes you rich

And if they found a fountain of youth

I wouldn’t drink a drop and that’s the truth

Funny how it feels I’m just getting to my best years yet

The older I get

The fewer friends I have

But you don’t need a lot when the ones that you got

Have always got your back

And the older I get

The better I am

At knowing when to give

And when to just not give a damn

And if they found a fountain of youth

I wouldn’t drink a drop and that’s the truth

Funny how it feels I’m just getting to my best years yet

The older I get

And I don’t mind all the lines

From all the times I’ve laughed and cried

Souvenirs and little signs of the life I’ve lived

The older I get

The longer I pray 

I don’t know why, I guess that I

Got more to say

And the older I get

The more thankful I feel

For the life I’ve had, and all the life I’m living still

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You can listen to Alan Jackson performing the song here: 

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Related posts:

https://cliffordberger.com/get-better-with-age/

https://cliffordberger.com/how-to-expect-more-of-life/

Write yourself a 90-Day letter

In my last newsletter I encouraged you all to consider personal goals and planning on a 90-day, quarterly basis. This is the time of year when people set yearly goals, make resolutions, etc. 

But a year is a long time.

It is hard to envision something out that far. Without a shorter and more manageable timeframe, many of these yearly goals are left by the wayside by the time the daffodils bloom.

Deal with this by setting goals for just a 90-day timeframe. 

Major, life-goals may need much more time, of course. But for many things, a 90-day period of time is just about right for something significant that they can actually do. 

If you add enough 90-day time periods together, well then, it can also lead to realizing those major, life-goals as well.

So what to do with that 90 day, three-month stretch in front of you?

One approach is to write yourself a 90-day letter. 

I came across this concept a while back (no, I didn’t invent it), and find it helpful.

This is not the same as the 90-day letter that the IRS sends when they discover a discrepancy in your tax documents!

No, this is something that you write to your future self. Not the future self years down the road, although it is a good idea to think about that future self too. Rather, it is you–just three months from now. Enough time to make some things happen, but not so much that you get sidetracked or discouraged.

A letter is more personal than just a listing of goals. 

You are writing to your future self, in the voice you would use talking to a friend. The letter should include your key short-term goals, of course, so give careful attention to that. But beyond a listing of goals, the letter also gives an opportunity to reflect on your fears, concerns, hopes, successes, failures, and joys. 

Goals seem more relatable when placed in the context of the overall realities of your life. Framing your goals within a letter can help you do that. You could choose to write in the future tense, encouraging yourself to overcome the challenges you may face. Or, you could write in the past tense, as if you were reflecting back on the time period just past.

For example, you can write to yourself as if the goals have already been accomplished. You can also expand on the challenges you might face in getting where you want to be, and what you plan to do about them. 

How you frame the letter is up to you, and the great thing is there is no wrong way to do it. You can show it to someone else, if you wish, but you don’t have to. It can be just your own private way of holding yourself accountable. The fact that you write it down, and plan to open and read it on a defined date (put it on your calendar), creates its own level of accountability.

Practical steps

Write the letter on paper, not digitally. 

There is something about putting pen to paper that connects you to the content differently than typing. We write things down far less often than typing them, so it gives the experience a bit of novelty. When was the last time you wrote a real letter, put it in an envelope, and mailed it? Years? Ever? If so, you’ll find this to be something that is different from your other communications, and thus more memorable.

The letter need not be long. 

Don’t make it hard to do, otherwise you likely won’t repeat it. A page or so may be enough. If you take to it, you may write more in the future, but keep the lift low at first.

Use a pen and paper that you really like. 

There is something tactile about this, so lean into the experience. It is like using a quality tool in the garage, or a fine fishing rod. I happen to like writing pens, and have a small collection of them. A couple of these are fountain pens, which I like to use for this purpose. The feeling of the tip of the nib moving over the paper connects me to the process. So also does the fact that I like to write in cursive for my letter. Fountain pens are made for this purpose. I believe that writing in cursive helps my thought process to flow more smoothly than the constant process of lifting my pen up and down to print separate letters. Give it a try, and see what the experience is like. You may need to dust off your old cursive writing skills if you learned them years ago in grade school. 

Seal the letter in an envelope, and write your name on the front. 

Write also the date you plan to open it. Then tuck it away in a private place, to be retrieved when the time comes. This will also serve as a reminder to write your letter for the next 90 day period.

Final thoughts

For people who have trouble journaling, or would like to journal, the 90-day letter is one way to ease into it. It doesn’t require a daily writing discipline. You only need to write it every three months, but it gives you a chance to look ahead and reflect back in a journaling sort of fashion.

Perhaps you already have a self-development tool that works for you. But if not, or if you would like to add to what you’re already doing, and write yourself a 90-day letter.

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For more on life and style for men, see https://cliffordberger.com/about-me/

For more on fountain pens, see: https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/a-primer-on-fountain-pens/

Somehow, ending this past year felt a bit like passing a kidney stone.

Hindsight is 2020–what will this new year bring? Every year begins with high hopes. At this time last year we were hoping and expecting for 2020 to hold great promise. 

The reality for 2020 fell short of expectations.

Only several months into 2020, we found ourselves in the midst of a global pandemic, and a resulting financial crisis that has affected millions. We’ve endured a contentious political and election cycle. In 2020 we had hurricanes on the east coast and Gulf states. Tornadoes in the midwest. The western states, including my home state of Oregon, experienced catastrophic fires and smoke.

The COVID-19 pandemic has claimed the lives of more than 300,000 Americans, and many more around the world, and has sickened millions. The virus affected our ability to enjoy sports, movies, restaurants, holidays. Millions of people missed out on special events such as weddings, graduations, travel, etc. Even the Olympics were postponed until 2021.

Many people found themselves quarantining or working at home for much of the year. Schools had to shift to online teaching.

On top of all of that, the year ended with a tragic Christmas Day bombing in the city of Nashville, TN. Thankfully, there were few injuries and no fatalities other than the bomber.

Yes, 2020 was not all we had hoped it would be at this point a year ago.

We’re hopeful that 2021 will be better. 

Maybe with more cautious optimism than we had a year ago. And there is reason to think so, but no guarantees of it. There are never guarantees.

Many–most–of these major events are beyond our control. All we can control is how we respond to them. Difficult times, not easy ones, are typically what make us stronger.

While there is reason to think things may improve this year, we may need to adjust our expectations. Many of the crises of 2020 are still with us as we enter 2021. The virus is worse than ever, at least for now. Millions still suffer from the financial crisis. Political divisions are as contentious as ever.

Starting a new year doesn’t change everything all at once. A year is really only a way of marking time, but the turning of the calendar doesn’t by itself change events. Unlike a board game, it doesn’t all go back in the box at the end of the year, with everything starting over from zero on January 1. We don’t reshuffle and start with a brand new hand. Much of what has made 2020 so challenging will not just disappear. These things will continue to influence 2021. 

That may not sound very rosy, but it is the way things work. 

So, was 2020 a complete dumpster fire? Were there no good things, no benefits from what we’ve experienced?

Indeed, there are some positive aspects to the year just past, and similar benefits we may experience in the year ahead.

In the year 2020:

• We learned a great deal of innovation. Necessity really is the mother of invention. Innovative developments appeared in all kinds of industries and other aspects of our lives. 
• People are learning new skills. Computer-related skills in particular, but people are also learning languages, cooking and baking playing instruments, getting degrees (online), etc.
• Scientists created coronavirus vaccines, within the space of months rather than years. These medical breakthroughs will have profound ripple effects throughout the scientific and healthcare fields. These scientific achievements will be celebrated in books and films in the years to come.
• A cleaner environment–due to more renewable energy technologies, and admittedly, virus-induced reduced commercial activity and travel.
• A record number of Americans voted in the recent election.
• Africa is now free of polio.  
• We have all benefited from the selfless service of countless first responders and essential workers.
• People have used zoom and other video-calling tools to connect directly with family and friends in ways that they never did through social media.
• Family-owned drive-in movie theaters have made a comeback.
• A baby panda was born at the National Zoo!

So, maybe 2020 wasn’t all bad!

Furthermore, 2021 is still in front of us. While the challenges of 2020 haven’t somehow disappeared with the turn of the calendar, there is promise in the year ahead. Don’t wait for 2021 to “happen” to you. Take control of making this coming year what you want it to be.

Call to Action

There are many tips I could give you for thriving in this coming year. I will plan to do so in future messages, but for now I’m going to give you just one.

My suggestion is to think and plan in terms of the next 90 days, the next quarter, rather than thinking of the entire year at once.

Whatever personal goals or plans you may have, a year is just too big of a timeframe. Your goals get lost as the weeks and months go by. 

But planning for a 90 day period is much more manageable.

The next step is to break that 90 day period into three one-month timeframes. Decide what you are going to do each week within each of the monthly periods. You can readjust before you start the next month, based on the progress you’ve made.

By setting goals within smaller time-frames, and only working 90 days out at a time, I believe you’ll be encouraged by the progress you make going into the next quarterly period. 

This very simple approach to planning and structuring your time and goals will make a difference.

Here’s to thriving in your Life and Style for 2021!

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For more on life and style for men, see https://cliffordberger.com/about-me/