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Unexpected benefits of walking…

I have been walking 10,500 or more steps every day since March 25. Well, there were two or three days when I had a little less than 10k. Otherwise I have been over that for more than four months. That’s about five miles a day, sometimes more.

This isn’t one of those posts that says, “I walked 10,500 steps every day for four months, and this is what happened to my body.”

I was working out regularly prior to that. But when the COVID lockdown started in mid-March (in Oregon), I shifted my exercise mainly to walking. My goal initially was to walk that number of steps for 30 days. I did that, without missing any, so I decided to go another 30 days. Then another, and another. It has pretty much become a habit now. Whether raining (like it does in Oregon in the spring), or heat (upper 90s lately, which is pretty hot for Portland), I go for my walk every day.

Yes, I imagine it has been good for my body. We know that walking is good for you.

But I’ll talk about the physical benefits some other time.

Walking regularly is a great way to get to know your town, and the area near your house.
 

I just walk, I don’t run. I really don’t enjoy running, at least not anymore. Kudos to those who do!

I notice things differently when I’m on foot. Little paths and byways appear, that I don’t see from a car. The texture of the streets and sidewalks appears. Little details on houses or buildings stand out, ones that I have passed dozens of times. 

I don’t take the same route every day, but mix it up and explore new areas. Mine is your basic older suburban neighborhood. Our own house is nearly 60 years old (not quite as old as me). Some of the houses I pass are probably 70-100 years old, maybe more. I like to imagine the families that lived in some of them in the 1930s, or 40s. What were their Christmas celebrations like? Did some of them have “Gold Stars” in the windows during World War II? Had some of them lost a loved one serving in the war?
 

I’m noticing the various bits of “wild” areas right here in our own town.

There is a small creek that runs through town, with wetlands and patches of wooded areas all along it. The parks department has created a paved walking path that follows much of it. I walk that sometimes.

But I’ve found some other paths and service roads that crisscross in places not so well-known. Some places I can look around and not see a house in any direction, right here in town. It is easy to imagine that I’m somewhere out in the country.

I know where to find ripe blackberries, and where the beavers and nutria like to hang out.

It has been fun to see the goose and duck families in the wetlands areas. They raised up their youngsters from chicks back in March; now they’re adolescent goslings nearly the size of their parents.

I made an interesting discovery a few days ago.

There is near here one of these areas near a railroad track that runs through town. A service road cuts through some woods and fields and comes out into an office park and parking lot. This is a wetland area between the tracks and the creek, scrubby with patches of trees and blackberry bushes. I tramped through the small field just to see where the creek lay. Before me lay the remnants of this old stone and brick fireplace in a small copse of trees.

This is all that remains of what must have been some homestead or farmhouse. There is nothing left of the building. It is hard to tell how old the structure may have been. I’m guessing around the turn of the 20th century. Perhaps even a bit older than that, from the look of it. I look at these stones and bricks and imagine who may have lived here. Who may have gathered around for warmth, perhaps for cooking? Did they have children? Was this now overgrown field their play and work area? The small creek would likely have been an attraction for kids, catching tadpoles and whatnot.

One other benefit of walking every day is that I’ve listened to many hours of e-books and podcasts. My “reading” time has increased, and on all kinds of subjects!

These are some things I’ve gained just from walking around my town. You should give it a try in yours 🙂

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Related posts:

Why does time pass so quickly?

Other resources on the benefits of walking

Why walking is the most underrated form of exercise–nbcnews.com

Walking: your steps to health (Harvard Medical School)

How do I stay relevant and visible in midlife?

Remember when you were a kid, thinking how much fun you could have if you were invisible?

According to Hollywood, being invisible isn’t always so great.

There happens to be a film released this spring, called The Invisible Man. It is classified as “science fiction/ horror.” Starring Elisabeth Moss (you may remember her as Peggy Olson in Mad Men), her character has an abusive and violent boyfriend (of course she does!). Without giving away too much, it turns out that he has acquired the ability to be invisible. This makes him, well, an even worse boyfriend.

Some years ago (in 2000) there was another film called Hollow Man, starring Kevin Bacon, about what happened to a man who could make himself invisible. I’m pretty sure I saw that film on an airplane (where I end up watching a lot of films, it seems). 

Harry Potter, of course, has his invisibility cloak, which in his case is pretty cool. But often, in movies and in real life, being invisible isn’t so good. In fact, it has sometimes led to some pretty bad things. Like in Hollow Man, where Kevin Bacon’s character seemed like a good guy to begin with. So how in the world could he…? Oh, well, you’ll just have to find the DVD and watch it. Or read the book by HG Wells, The Invisible Man, which inspired the film.

Don’t be a Hollow Man

None of us want to become a “Hollow Man” of course. We want to stay relevant and visible. But even if we think that it could be kind of fun to be invisible now and then, that’s not how we want to live our lives. Most of us don’t want to disappear, to be invisible, to be unnoticed. But it can happen anyhow, often without us realizing it at first. It can happen in various ways, and for different reasons. 

We’re quite aware that elderly people often feel this way (elderly being defined as something way older than ourselves). People tend to overlook senior adults, the more so the older they get. 

Maturity versus youth culture

The thing is, you don’t become an “old” person all at once. We age gradually, a little at a time, and we notice the changes that come with age ever so slowly. If you are age 40+, you are likely already noticing some of it. Oh sure, people turning 30 stress about getting old (Amateurs!). And of course we now frequently hear that 40 is the new 30, or 60 is the new 40, and so on. There may be some truth to that, in relation to increased life expectancies, and overall more active lifestyles. 

But we live in a youth-oriented culture. Advertisers supposedly see the age 18-34 demographic as the most valued target market. If you’re in your 40s or 50s they still want to sell to you, of course, but many products don’t advertise to you because it is assumed that your purchasing habits are already in place by then. For the world of advertising, you become invisible.

Grey and white–what happens to your hair over time–is less visible than color. Grey and white are more like the absence of color. People tend to look past things that lack color. Wrinkles, or a few extra pounds, are also less appealing to than smooth skin and youthful physiques. People may look past you, and you become less visible.

When you watch a basketball or football game, or a baseball game, how much do you notice the officials? Not much, most of the time. They blend in, they disappear–they look bland, and your attention is on the players with the cool uniforms. As we age, it is easy to become more like the officials, rather than the players. Of course, I’m not talking about the role they have in the game, which is quite important. Rather, I’m just thinking of their visibility on the field of play, where we pretty much tune them out until they are needed.

Stay visible and relevant

Do you ever feel like that happens to you? That you’re tuned out until needed? The good news is that you can take steps to stay visible (literally and metaphorically) and relevant as you get older. It can be a combination of inner confidence and outer persona, but often the two are related. How we present ourselves, in style and manner, matters. It is part of how we engage the world, and how we’re able to exert our influence and accomplish our goals. It is the persona we present to the world.

These days, notice some of the public figures and celebrities who represent a different, more visible version of getting older. Brad Pitt is 56, and retains a youthful edge (did you see him and Leo DiCaprio in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood?). George Clooney at 58 seems to endure as the standard for the cool, suave, and silvery image. Even Sylvester Stallone is still making Rambo films at age 70+! Yeah, 40-something is officially “middle age” just in case you weren’t aware. But you’re probably younger than Stallone and Clooney, so take some tips on how these guys are rocking it. Ok, maybe you won’t be Brad Pitt, but you can be the best version of your own self, regardless of your age.

Being that best version involves cultivating important aspects of both our inner and outer selves. It requires a decision not to disappear, a decision to exercise the influence that comes with the maturity you’ve earned. I urge you to consider the ways you aspire to be a better person, inside and out. To be visible, and to show up in the lives of those who need you.

Be one of the players, not one of the refs.

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For related posts, see the Home Page and How to Influence with your Ethos.

Sources:

IMDB.com: Hollow Man

The language of influence…

With this post I’m beginning a four-part series. I remind my readers that the purpose of this blog is to address Life and Style interests for men. For midlife men in particular. I intend to cover a range of topics over time. Many blogs or YouTube® channels on men’s style focus mainly on fashion, and generally for younger men. My interest is not in fashion as such, but in overall style and the way we present ourselves. This includes all aspects of our inner and outer selves.

I plan a rather long arc to developing my approach to these things, beginning with some foundational perspectives. I want to think through the ways we exert influence, and bring what we each uniquely offer into the lives of others. My first several posts were not random (although perhaps it seemed so!), but rather designed to think about our lives in the overall context of time. Comparing our lives to the seasons of a year is a helpful metaphor for this.

A philosophy for how we present ourselves

My next several posts in this short series will develop a philosophical approach to the way we choose to present ourselves, and to exert our influence. This goes far beyond just dressing well, and maintaining health and fitness as we move through the seasons of our lives. It has to do with the overall Ethos we present to those around us.

Perhaps you’ve heard of (or read) the modern classic by Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People. Published in 1936, Carnegie’s book has sold over 30 million copies and has created a paradigm for generations of self-help books to follow. 

But Dale Carnegie was not the first to offer principles for how to influence people. One of the early and most influential works on influencing people–on the art of persuasion–was Aristotle’s treatise on Rhetoric. Ancient students and teachers of rhetoric knew the importance of influence, much like today’s self-help and leadership experts. Throughout history people have recognized that the ability to effectively influence and persuade is an important life skill. It is part of leadership.

The art of persuasion

We find ourselves needing to be persuasive all the time. Job interviews, sales presentations, asking someone for a favor, teaching a class or preaching a sermon, even negotiating family or marital conflict–we’re regularly influencing or persuading people. It is how we become a person of influence. We can do it intentionally and well, or we can do it poorly, but we all are regularly persuading or influencing those around us. If we’re going to do it, let’s learn to do it well. 

This is where we can learn from the classical masters of rhetoric. People tend to think of “rhetoric” as simply polished and persuasive speech. But there is more to it than that. True rhetoric involves more of the whole person. I’ll spend each of my next three posts giving my own spin on the three different elements of Aristotelian rhetoric: Logos, Pathos, and Ethos and how these can serve us today. 

But first…

Let’s think about what we actually contribute to others with our influence and persuasion. Influence isn’t just an end in itself. Each of us has something unique to offer, the things that we create and do that will enrich the lives of others and help us reach our own goals as well.

This is where I’d like to talk about Play-Doh®. Yes, of course this is an amusing word-play to go with Aristotle (sorry, I couldn’t resist!), but I assure you, Play-Doh® is a helpful metaphor for what I’m talking about. It represents our personal creativity, the raw material of what we have to offer the world.

My friend Rob Westervelt likes to tell the story of how Play-Doh® was created by kindergarten teacher Kay Zufall in the 1950s. She used a putty that was developed in the 1930s to clean wallpaper as modeling compound for her students. They added colors to the compound, gave it a name, and behold, Play-Doh®!

All of us have played with Play-Doh® at one time or another. Perhaps we still should. The great thing about Play-Doh® is that it invites our creativity. The user needs to make something of it, otherwise it is just a lump. No one is more creative than children. They imagine something, and their imagination soon gives shape to something from this lump of putty. Then they proudly show us their creation of a car, or an animal, or a castle. They have used their own imagination and creativity to bring about something new. They play, and something new happens.

Leonard Sweet makes a similar point in his book, The Well-Played Life: why pleasing God doesn’t have to be such hard work. No one “works” a violin, for example, Sweet has pointed out. Rather, they “play” it, bringing creativity to bless others. Creativity and new things are more likely to happen when we’re playing than when we’re working.

As you’ve gotten older, have you continued to create new things? What are you doing that is unique, that reflects what you have to offer others? What sort of Play-Doh® do you have in your own life that represents your own uniqueness, your own areas of influence? How will you deliver that to others, to be a person of influence and persuasion?

From Play-Doh®… to Aristotle?

My next several posts will explore the ways we can exercise our influence, to communicate what we have to offer, from the standpoint of Aristotle’s Rhetoric. In his treatise, Aristotle proposed that we persuade and influence people in three ways: 

•  The appeal of the words we use (Logos)
•  The appeal to emotion and passions (Pathos)
•  Our own character and credibility (Ethos)

We’ll consider the power of each of these three modes of persuasion, and ways they can be interpreted and applied to fit today’s world. I’ll rearrange the usual order to explore Ethos last, as this is the main metaphor I’ll use to interpret how our personal style can enhance our leadership and influence with others.

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What is the influence of your words?

Have you ever tried to persuade or convince someone of something important? Of course you have–we do it all the time, in all kinds of ways. The question is–how effective are you?

Persuasion and influence is a part of our lives. In business, politics, the workplace, in advertising, teaching and preaching, even in conversation and personal relationships–all of us find ourselves influencing others, or trying to, and being influenced as well. Understanding some classic principles of persuasion and influence can help us exert influence in the right ways–to accomplish our goals and bring the good that we have to offer into the lives of others.

In my last post I introduced the concept of Aristotelian rhetoric as a way to exert our influence. Rhetoric includes the three basic elements of persuasion: Ethos, Pathos, and Logos. Each of these Greek words represent tools we can use to become more effective in our influence and interpersonal relationships. 

In this post, I focus on Logos–the influence of your words

Nearly everyone is familiar with rhetoric to some degree. Most often in connection with the “Rhetorical Question.” That is, asking a question to make a point, with no actual answer expected. It is a device that public speakers often employ. 

There is much more to rhetoric than that. It is an entire discipline, a field in which you can get a PhD. But you don’t need a PhD to develop your own use of rhetoric in practical, everyday ways. Let’s start with Logos, with the power of words to persuade.

Logos is also known in rhetoric as “The Logical Appeal.” This is whatever point you’re trying to make, and the logical argument for it. When you’re trying to convince someone of something, you want your words to make sense, to choose them well, and order them to make a logical point (notice that the word “logic” or “logical” comes from Logos).

Often, an argument from Logos will use facts and data as evidence. 

Think of how a trial lawyer seeks to persuade a jury of someone’s innocence–or guilt. We’re fascinated by it, which is why lawyer shows never lose their appeal on TV (from Perry Mason to Law & Order, and beyond). A good trial lawyer will use all three of the rhetorical devices, but it is most helpful if they have facts and evidence on their side. Like one brick on another, the prosecutor will lay out the case, using not just words, but words that bear the weight of the evidence. In turn, the defense will use words and logic to question and expose gaps in the evidence, or point out the lack of evidence.

We can imagine one of the Law & Order ADA’s making their closing argument: “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury: don’t allow your sympathy for the circumstances of the accused to distract you from the evidence. We have not only the fingerprints and DNA of the accused at the crime scene, the murder weapon found in his basement, and the lack of an alibi, we also have five witnesses who heard the accused say he wanted to ‘destroy’ the victim. And, we have video evidence of the accused actually breaking into the victim’s apartment within a half hour of the estimated time of death. Consider the evidence–it cannot be more clear! Justice demands that you bring a verdict of guilty!” 

THIS is an argument from logic, persuasion by Logos.

Of course, as the Proverb says, “The one who first states a case seems right, until the other comes and cross-examines” (18:17).

Cross-examination is also persuasion by Logos.

Other examples

Advertisers may use the principle of Logos if they wish to present information about their product, to serve an instructional role with the consumer. Think of the late-night infomercial, which are champions of persuasion by Logos. But you have to already be somewhat interested in order to stick around for this tsunami of information on a product. 

Advertising

in times past, say 100 years ago, was much more likely to focus on persuading the consumer with facts and detailed information about the product. Today, advertising and marketing is more likely to appeal to emotions (Pathos) or their trustworthiness (Ethos), but persuasion through logical appeal still matters. Logos in advertising is more effective in persuading those who are already interested, than in hooking your audience in the first place.

Historical Documents

Such as the Declaration of Independence. Most of us are familiar with the first few lines: “When in the course of human events it becomes necessary…” Well, that may be about all that many people are familiar with (no judgment!). But we should remember that in the body of the Declaration, Thomas Jefferson was careful to lay out in detail the case of the complaints of the colonists against the British crown.

It begins with a clear thesis, and states of the intent to dissolve the connection of the American colonies with England. Next is a long list of the specific offenses of the crown, delivered in hammering accusations like bullet points. In closing he reiterates the intent to separate and become independent states. In their support for this treatise, “we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor” (ah, that’s the other line we remember–the first and the last!). The bulk of this foundational document is a recitation of facts and evidence, persuasion by Logos.

Words can be powerful, memorable. They can affect good or evil. We think in words, not in abstracts. We persuade, convince, influence–through our words.

Consider the many words we use that have Logos as their root: 

• Logic 
• Log (as in ship captain’s log) 
• Blog (short for web-log) 
• Logo (a symbol used to create identity) 
• Dialog, eulogy, prologue, catalog, apology, logistics 
• We Log into our computer, and on and on.

You can see that Logos is pretty important for us.

Some practical tips for influence with your words

I prefer to think of rhetoric more broadly, in terms of overall influence, not just simply  persuasion. That’s my twist, anyhow. Regardless of your season of life, how can you most effectively use rhetorical Logos for influence? If you are in the “middle years” of your life, you have earned some gravitas. Leverage this gravitas and wisdom effectively to accomplish your goals and to bring benefit to others! The influence of your words matters!

• First do no harm.
  • As the ancient Greek physician Hippocrates was supposed to have said, “First, do no harm.” In our zeal to be persuade, to exert influence, we can find ourselves being overbearing, pushy, know-it-all. Don’t be that way. You can be a person of influence with your words without being a jerk. 
  • Avoid trying to “win” an argument at the cost of the relationship, if possible.
  • Let the other person save face.
• Know your message.
  • It is hard to persuade when you don’t know your message. Think through what you are trying to communicate. Can you say it in one or two sentences?
  • Make your point, support it with facts, illustrate with examples.
• Use plain language.
  • People are more open to your influence if you speak or write plainly and directly. 
  • Don’t hide behind complicated and technical words.
  • Consider the Gettysburg Address. Only 271 words long, and the majority of those words are one and two syllables. 
• Learn some basic principles of logic, and learn to recognize logical fallacies (an unsound argument). Just read the comments following an online news article, and you’ll find an abundance of common fallacies such as these:
  • Strawman Argument.
  • Appeal to Ignorance.
  • False Dilemma.
  • Slippery Slope Fallacy.
  • Circular Argument.
  • Hasty Generalization.

Call to Action

In your efforts to influence with your words, with Logos remember– be human, be humble. Skill in Logos doesn’t mean you have to be like Spock or Data from Star Trek. Now I’m getting ahead of myself, since my next post will be on Pathos, the appeal to emotion. Spock and Data didn’t have any (although Data was certainly aptly named). For now, glance back through this post and ponder if there are any action points for you. 

At the very least, study the short list of logical fallacies. Learn to recognize them in things you hear and read, and be aware of which ones you are most likely to commit. Some people even habitually use certain logical fallacies as part of their regular communication–don’t be one of those 🙂

If something from this post inspires you, make a note of it and write it down. Act on it. You’ll be better for it…

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Related posts:

The language of influence–Part I

Sources:

Aristotle’s Rhetoric–The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy

What is the influence of emotion?

You’ve seen those TV commercials about donating to the animal shelters. They feature Sarah McLachlan singing a super-sad song, and the video shows one shot after another of sick and starving dogs, shivering in the cold. It tugs at your heart–and is meant to do just that. The producers know that people are moved to action by emotional appeals. 

How can we leverage emotion to provide self-motivation as well as a tool we can use in our influence with other people and situations?

Pathos–emotional appeal–is one of our most powerful resources.

The appeal to emotions can be constructive or destructive, so we need to understand it and learn to use it wisely.

In my prior post I discussed the role of Logos, or reason and logic. 

Here, I’m focusing on emotions, on what the Greek philosopher Aristotle called Pathos as part of his treatise on persuasion–the art of Rhetoric. 

I’m not discussing rhetoric here from a purely technical and classical standpoint. Rather, my spin on these things is on how they may provide categories of how we think about our overall influence in the contemporary world.
 

Pathos in the history of philosophy

But before doing that, let’s go ahead and consider how Pathos has been treated in the history of philosophy. Bear with me, I’ll get to the practical stuff, not to worry.

Pathos, in Greek philosophy and rhetoric, referred to emotions,

and the emotional appeal as part of persuasion in particular. It is most often associated with Aristotle (384-322 BCE), but its use in rhetoric pre-dates him. Plato (c.428-c.348 BCE) was Aristotle’s teacher, and he also made reference to pathos. Plato and Aristotle had much in common, but they differed in some important ways. Plato leaned to the abstract in his philosophy, whereas Aristotle was more practical. Many of us, for that reason, may relate more to Aristotle. Not that you’ve thought much at all about Aristotle one way or another, but hey, I’m giving you the easiest lesson on Greek philosophy you’ll have, well, this week anyhow!

Plato, was concerned with the downsides of pathos in rhetoric and oratory. He could see how it might become manipulative, and should have more limited use. He argued that appealing to emotions should be a means to an end, and not the entire argument. Plato makes a good point, and we should heed his caution (he is Plato, after all, and people still talk about his ideas more than 2000 years later. Give him some credit).

Aristotle, however, emphasized pathos 

and how itcould be part of a balanced approach to rhetoric, to influencing an audience. Aristotle looked more on the practical side of pathos, and how a speaker could intentionally leverage it for persuasion. I’ll extend that and say that Pathos, along with Logos and Ethos (which is the one I’ll discuss in my next post) are to this day paradigms for how we can exert influence of our own. 

If you happen to do public speaking or presentations of any kind, note that Aristotle identifies the introduction and the conclusion as the most important points for the emotional appeal. Keep this in mind even for more informal interactions and conversations. Those aren’t all that different from public speaking. You may address an audience of just one or two, rather than a crowd, but principles of persuasion are the same.

Let’s skip ahead to the period of the Enlightenment in the 17th and 18th centuries. Enlightenment thinkers and philosophers emphasized logic and reason, and were skeptical of emotions. John Locke, for example, was known for his emphasis on reason, and had wide influence on politics, government, and religion. 

The Scottish philosopher and minister George Campbell cautioned whether appeals to emotion might be “an unfair method of persuasion.” That is, recognizing that emotions can be manipulative. Let’s put George Campbell on the same team as Plato. And guess what–they’re right. Emotion is powerful, and we need to proceed with caution.

The Cambridge English Dictionary defines pathos as “the power of a person, situation, piece of writing, or work of art to cause feelings of sadness, especially because people feel sympathy.”

In this blog post I am using pathos and “emotions” somewhat interchangeably, although do recognize that they are not precise synonyms.

Think about the many words we use that have pathos as part of their root: 

• Empathy
• Sympathy
• Pathetic
• Pathology
• Apathy
• Psychopath
• Path, or Pathway  

What is the role of emotion in our lives?

Emotions help us survive.

That’s right, emotions are a built-in survival mechanism. Men especially may minimize emotions and their importance, writing them off as representing weakness, or lack of masculinity. But think about it–when faced with danger, what do you feel? Fear, right? Experiencing fear can kick your survival instincts into motion, causing you to fight, to flee, or whatever you need to survive. Feeling anger may also cause us to take action against a threat. Simply put, our emotions can prepare our body to take action. They can help us react quickly to situations when there is not time to think through with reason and logic. There are times when that quick reaction can actually save our lives. So yes, the ability to feel and act upon emotion has a very practical side to it.

Emotions activate and interact with our thoughts and memories.

Emotions put us into a frame of mind where it is easier to think about or recall certain things. When we feel happy, we’re more likely to think of happy thoughts and memories. Likewise, recalling happy memories may in turn trigger emotions of happiness. The same goes for all other emotions–sadness, melancholy, grief, joy, hope, pride, relief, anxiety, anger, disgust, surprise, fear, shame, etc. As you read this list, see if you can recall a time when you felt or experienced each one of these emotions. Our thoughts and memories revolve to a great degree around how we were feeling at the time, and how these things make us feel now. 

Emotions facilitate interpersonal relationships.

Emotions help us to understand ourselves and others. They are what enable us to protect our children, love our spouse, develop friendships, and even engage in social and cultural pleasantries. A person who is not in touch with their emotions, or who is unable to experience them, may have clinical challenges that prevent them from engaging in normal human relationships. Likewise, the more we are in touch with what we are feeling, and able to identify it, the more we are able to find joy and satisfaction in our relationships with others. 

Emotions drive our decisions.

As mentioned in the beginning of this post, emotions are what move us to action. They are what cause us to donate our time and money. They are what cause us to buy things (advertisers know this!). Also to regret buying things (buyer’s remorse). Emotions are part of our decision-making process, for better or for worse. Emotions can cause us to act positively and decisively, or to act foolishly and hastily. This is where self-awareness comes in. Knowing what we are feeling, and having control over those feelings, is an asset in our decision-making, leadership, and relationships. 

Emotional Intelligence 

You may be familiar with “Emotional Intelligence.” One definition of this is: “The ability to understand the way people feel and react and to use this skill to make good judgments and to avoid or solve problems” (Cambridge English Dictionary).

The concept of “Emotional Intelligence” has been around for decades, and was popularized by Daniel Goleman in his book, Emotional Intelligence (1995). Goleman’s work has been critiqued and built on by others over the years. He describes five elements that make up emotional intelligence:

• Self-awareness
• Self-regulation
• Motivation
• Empathy
• Social skills

Essentially, “emotional intelligence” is awareness of how emotions affect our behaviors, and the ability to control and manage those emotions–in ourselves and in others.

This is a skill that can be learned, not just something with which you are born. Just imagine the real-life settings and situations where this skill could enhance your influence and leadership:

• When faced with tight deadlines, or challenging budget situations.
• When dealing with a complaining customer, parishioner, etc.
• When receiving critique and feedback from others.
• During a job interview.
• Dealing with failure.
• When someone comes to you for counsel.
• When having to correct or critique someone else.

Each of these are stressful situations, and times when emotions will happen. The question is whether we are ruled by emotions in those times, or rather have emotional control. This includes awareness of our own emotions as well as those of the other person. Emotional Intelligence is our friend, helping us to read the emotional levels of various situations. This skill helps us defuse tensions, motivate ourselves and others, and think clearly under pressure.

The Lizard Brain

You’ve heard of the “Lizard Brain,” right? This is a popular way of referring to the amygdala, in our brain stem, that is responsible for “fight or flight” types of reactions. Popular marketing whiz Seth Godin has written and spoken quite a bit on “quieting the lizard brain.” There is actually an important biological function of the lizard brain, in that sometimes it is necessary to fight or flee, to perceive danger and respond from fear.

The problem is, these days we don’t face so many predatory threats the way our ancestors did. Physical threats are the kinds of things that the lizard brain is made for. Now, unfortunately, the lizard brain kicks in at the most inopportune times. Just when we need to be in control, to think clearly for sensible decision-making, to be a non-anxious presence–the lizard brain can rear its head and take over. In those times, we can end up making terrible decisions, alienating others, operating from fear. 

We don’t have to give control to the lizard. This is where the skills of Emotional Intelligence come in–self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy. Recognizing that this part of our brain tries to take over during times of stress is half of the battle. This is where understanding pathos matters.

Influence and leadership with Pathos

Aristotle considered pathos as one of the three elements of persuasion in rhetoric. I’m expanding the way we think of it to include our overall influence and leadership. Our influence is enhanced, and we become a more visible person, when we exercise emotional intelligence.

It is a matter of balancing the things we say and the words we use (logos) with what we and others are feeling. 

Influencing with pathos also means avoiding manipulation involving emotions. Classical rhetoric did not see pathos as a crass opportunity to take advantage of emotions. Rather, it recognized that emotions are part of the whole person, and that persuasion in oratory needed to leverage them appropriately. As I noted, there are those from Plato to George Campbell who have cautioned against manipulation of emotions. Understanding emotions and how they work, developing emotional intelligence, and recognizing the effect of the “lizard brain” are all part of appropriate recognition of emotions in our leadership and influence.

Appropriate use of emotions in leadership and influence also depends on our Ethos, which is the third element of Aristotle’s rhetoric. This refers to a person’s character, their overall presentation, and why they should be trusted. A person who stoops to manipulating emotions is lacking in ethos. I’ll unpack ethos in the next post.

Some practical tips for the influence of emotion

What are some ways to develop the skill of emotional intelligence? To get more in touch with our own emotions and what others are feeling? People reveal their emotions in many ways, so it helps to  I offer here a few suggestions:

• Eye contact. The eyes tell us a great deal about what is going on inside. Sharing eye contact, helps you enter into that inner world. 
• Body language. People will tell you how they are feeling by the position of their body. Be aware of your own body language, and that of others. Learn the difference between an open posture and one that is closed and defensive.
• Read the face. Our face shows so much. There is a reason we take photos or do portraits of just the face of people, rather than some other body part. The face IS the person, and reveals thoughts and emotions without any words expressed. Every muscle twitch, set of the lips or jaw, smiling (or not), every squint of the eye–each of these are a window into a person’s feelings and thoughts.
• Be present. A popular way of expressing this these days is “mindfulness.” That is, the skill of being present in the moment. This kind of mindful presence can be developed when you are by yourself or with others. Be aware of your own body, your breathing, and notice the things around you.
• The voice. A person’s voice also reveals much of what they are feeling. Listen not just to the words people say, but how they say them. A person who is excited, stressed, or anxious will often raise their voice and talk faster. A person who is relaxed or happy will reflect that in their voice. We use our voice to communicate words (logos), but the tone and pacing reveal even more layers of meaning. Pay attention not only to the words, but to the voice.
• Social cues. These are the signals we send to others about how we’re feeling. Social cues are often communicated through body language, tone of voice, looking away, pauses, and so on. Be aware of social cues as to when someone is feeling distracted or impatient, or when they want to end a conversation.
• Active listening. Listening is more than just the physical response of your ears hearing the sounds another person makes. It is engaging your whole self to process what another is saying. Active listening involves verbal and nonverbal feedback to the conversation. Active listening allows for pauses and spaces without needing to “fill in.” Active listening will involve all of the other tips I’ve listed here.

The influence of emotion–Call to Action

If you have read the post to this point, identify something, even one thing from the practical tips, that may help you understand and appropriately leverage the role of emotions in our lives. Practice that one thing. This will enhance your visibility as a leader, as a person of influence, in whatever your season of life.

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Related posts:

The Language of Influence–Part I (Rhetoric)

The Influence of your Words–Part II (Logos)

Sources:

Using rhetorical appeals to credibility, logic, and emotions to increase your persuasiveness (US National Library of Medicine, doi: 10.1007/s40037-018-0420-2

Artistotle’s Ethics (Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy)

It’s nice to get new things, isn’t it? Whatever it might be–a new car, a new lawnmower, phone or computer. Maybe a new pair of shoes, a tool for your shop, even a new toothbrush. Some things are just better new. But some things get better with age.

Some things improve over time don’t they?

They get better with age. Through aging and mellowing, or with regular use, some things get better. They develop better taste, patina, and value over time.

Examples: cheese, whiskey and wine, antiques, blue jeans, a favorite jacket, art, cast iron pans, investments, leather (depends on how its treated), things made of wood, aged beef, coins, books, a favorite coffee cup, old vinyl records, favorite photos, and old letters. Sometimes the longer we keep such things the more valuable they become. 

Often, things have to pass through a phase where the impulse is just to throw them away because they’re “old.” We see this with old buildings. Once they have fulfilled their original purpose and start to need more care, it is easy to just want to tear them down and replace them with a newer building. The Pittock Mansion in Portland is an example, built between 1911 and 1914. It is an imposing stone structure, and a treasured Portland landmark. But it hasn’t always been treasured. By the late 1950s it had fallen into disrepair, and there were proposals to tear it down. Portland area residents who could see beyond the state of disrepair to its possibilities banded together to purchase the mansion and restore it. Now thousands of visitors every year thrill to this architectural masterpiece.

But for something to get better with age…

someone needed a vision for its value beyond just being an old building. Someone needed to see that its value was inherent in its age and unique identity.

I have on a shelf in my office a number of personal artifacts that I’ve saved or recovered over the years. One is a small thermos from my third grade lunchbox from about 1965. It is a “Daniel Boone” theme, after the TV show that was popular at the time. 

I found this a while back when we were cleaning out stuff from my mom’s garage. I was surprised that it had survived all these years, when early on, once I was done with it, we may have thrown it out or taken it to the thrift store. It would have been seen as junk, something that had served its purpose.

Now, because it has gotten better with age, I see it as a piece of Americana, and a connection to my childhood. It may have some value as a collectible (people do collect old lunch pails). But the value to me is just the way it connects me to some part of my past. 

That’s the way it is with most antiques. They have to survive the initial impulse to throw them away. Many such items do not survive, which is part of what makes the ones that do survive more desirable. We recognize their increasing value with the passage of time.

Some other things that aren’t “things” also may get better with age: memories, confidence, relationships (like leather, depends on how they’re treated), faith, wisdom, judgement, and perspective.

Obviously, some of these things benefit from time more than others. No matter how old they are, things like art and antiquities may continue to gain in value. Other things, like certain foods, memories, confidence, etc., may begin to erode after a certain point in life. But they may increase in value and enjoyment for far longer than we think.

But you get the idea…

Time improves many things. Sure, they’re no longer shiny and new, but that doesn’t seem to matter. They gain beauty and value in other ways. Sometimes the rust, or the wear and tear is part of the beauty.

Sometimes our culture treats youth as having the primary value, and gaining in age as a negative. Well, not just sometimes, but often.

People joke about age, decorate with black balloons when you turn 30, 40 or 50 (they don’t do that at 60 or more, ‘cause that’s just mean). Friends talk about being “over the hill,” complain about aches and pains, and things that don’t work or that they can’t do.

But what if we focus on the benefits of age and the passing of time? On the parts of our lives that get better? What if there are things we can do to make them better, to take ownership of our lives and our style as we increase in years?

Can life get better in your 40s or 50s, than it was in your teens and 20s?

Many people, unfortunately, feel like they have already lived their best years, that their best life is behind them. 

Call to action–get better with age

What areas of your own life are better with the passing of time? What could you improve with some intentionality? Think about the experiences you’ve had, the lessons you’ve learned (some of them hard-earned), the places you’ve been, the people you’ve known, the skills you’ve developed. All of these things take time, and reflect in the person you have become in this season of your life. Without those things you would not be who you are. You’ve improved with age–don’t hesitate to let those qualities show, and to bring benefit and blessing to the lives of those around you.

Related posts:

How to influence with your Ethos

Your life as seasons of a year

What does “Life Expectancy” mean?

Depending on the source, life expectancy in the US is currently right around 79 years. That’s averaging men and women, and all races together. Give or take a bit, but there it is.

If you’re 40 years old, by that standard you’ve already lived half of your life.

If you are 55 years old, well, you get the idea…

Of course, many people live longer than 79 years. Many don’t live that long. But because someone (probably insurance companies) have worked out what the average is, it becomes easy to see that age as our entitled goal, our expiration date. That somehow we assume we’ll live that long, if not longer.

Traditionally, the phrase “three score and ten” was seen as representing a full and long life. This phrase comes from the book of Psalms, chapter 90: “The Days of our years are threescore and ten,” which is an old-fashioned way of saying “70” (a “score” was twenty. 3 x 20 +10 = 70). So even in ancient Israel, more than 2000 years ago, living to age seventy was seen as pretty good.

In any case, just because the average life expectancy is 79 years, we’re not guaranteed that length of time. It’s just an average. In this case, “expectancy” refers to where we see our end point. Our expiration date. We can expect, at some point, for our life to end.

This is how we’re used to talking about “life expectancy.” Kind of depressing, isn’t it? It seems more like “death expectancy.”

But what if we think of “life expectancy” in different terms?

Not how many years we may live, but what do we “expect” of this life, of our time on this earth?

When a woman is pregnant, we often euphemistically say she is “expecting.” New life is within her, and she is anticipating and looking forward to the time when she can hold her baby in her arms. She is looking forward to beginnings, not to endings.

What are you expecting of this life? Are you anticipating and looking forward to something new? Or are you caught in a “Groundhog Day” cycle of the same old thing, for the foreseeable future, until you reach your expiration date? 

Synonyms of “expectancy” or “expectant” include words like these:

Alert, anticipation, eager, hopeful, prepared, ready, vigilant, hope.

Do these words describe how you feel about your life, your future?

For some people, anticipation and hope lies with plans for retirement, something that may yet be years away.

Today, right now, is really the only time we have to work with. We can’t change the past, and our future is not guaranteed. What we do in the present will influence our future, but we can’t live in the future either. We can plan and prepare for the future, but we can only live in the now. 

What if ‘life expectancy’ is not looking toward the day when we will die, but rather focusing on the life we expect to live right now? Every day, we all are getting older. We can’t get younger, and shouldn’t try. We can’t keep from getting older either, and shouldn’t try. But we can live our best life here and now. We can be the best version of ourselves, in our inner and outer lives.

What are you “expecting” of life? What steps are you taking to achieve your expectations? If you are feeling “stuck” in your current season, there are steps you can take to jar things loose and make the most of your season. 
 

Define your identity–tell your own story

People change. Adults continue to develop throughout their life-cycle. There was a time when studies in human development focused mainly on birth to young adulthood. Admittedly, this is the time of life when greatest change seems to occur. But that doesn’t mean development simply stops. Adults don’t reach a plateau by age 30 and then stay basically the same until old age and death. We have learned that adults continue to work through stages of development throughout their lives. There are transitions between these stages that are themselves micro seasons of development.

You want to get the most out of the seasons and transitions of adulthood, to leverage them to your advantage. It helps to recognize the changes you’ve experienced, and that you are not the same person you were ten or twenty years ago. it helps to continue to re-define your identity as an adult.

I’ll develop how to do this more completely in a future post, but for now, do recognize and accept the fact that change occurs throughout adulthood. Life Expectancy requires you to re-define and re-negotiate with yourself who you are in each season of life. 

A helpful tip in this regard is to take responsibility for defining yourself, and not allowing others to define you. It is too easy to develop our own self-understanding based on what other people think or say about us. To be sure, our identity is certainly shaped by our history and context, and influenced by others. But it is still your option to control your own narrative, to tell your own story. 
 

Set goals

Having something you’re working toward helps prevent “Groundhog Day” syndrome, of feeling like you’re stuck in a cycle and going nowhere.

Some people set goals for everything in their lives. You may already be organized like that. Not everyone is. I’m not. Some of us do well to have even a couple of goals. 

If you’re in a space where you’re feeling “stuck,” and currently functioning without identifiable goals, this may be the time to sit down and create some. And think outside of your work or professional life. Many people are used to working with goals in that context. But what about you personally? Do you have goals for your own development and improvement as a person? 

There are lots of resources on goal-setting. Just google and you can find many articles, books, courses, etc. So nothing I say here is new information. But it never hurts for a quick review.

Some tips on goal-setting:

• Choose something that matters to you. Something that is relevant, that will make you a better person. 
• Make sure it is attainable. If it isn’t really attainable, then it is more of a dream than a goal. It is ok to have dreams too, most of us do. All of us have a bit of the “Walter Mitty” inside of us. But we don’t function in the world of dreams day-to-day. Reasonable goals are what keep us moving forward. And who knows, maybe if we accomplish enough of our goals then some of our dreams will come true as well?
• Write it down. Somehow the act of writing it down makes it more real. You can type it out, of course, if you prefer. But there is something to be said for the old-school approach of using a pen and paper. Get a little notebook that you can use for things like this, and write down your goals.
• Tell someone about it. Just as with writing it down, telling someone of your goal creates accountability and support.
• Create a plan. Just having a goal isn’t enough. Break it down into actionable steps that you can measure as you accomplish them.
• Don’t give up! 
   

Stretch your comfort zone–do something that is hard

In mid-life we can tend to settle, to play it safe, to go with what we know. But the way to growth and getting unstuck is to try something new. Don’t set goals that are just a refinement of things you already do. Try something different, something that will stretch you, something that is hard, something that will add value to your life.

Think of the Dos Equis “Most Interesting Man in the World.” How did he get to be so interesting? Not by playing it safe, doing only what he knows, never trying anything new.

What might be something new, for you? Perhaps you could learn a new language (now there’s something hard! But download the DuoLingo app and give it a try!). Maybe join Toastmasters and develop your public speaking skills. Get a guitar and learn to play it. Learn photography. Something, anything, that will enhance your life and make you more interesting to others–and to yourself.

In my case, starting this newsletter / blog is the fulfillment of a goal that I’ve been thinking about and working toward for the past couple of years. 

It would have been easier for me just not to do it…

It requires a commitment of time (I spent several hours this weekend thinking through and  writing this post), and of learning some new skills. Mailchimp, for example, was new to me and I had to figure out how to create a newsletter with it. I worked on it off and on for several weeks before sending my first post. It shouldn’t have been that hard, but for me, that sort of thing is like learning a new language.

Now, for the next step I’m working on developing a WordPress website, where I’ll transition the newsletters as blog posts. That way anyone that has the link will be able to access it. 

I’m finding that building a WordPress website is extraordinarily difficult. At least it is for me. I thought that creating a Mailchimp newsletter was hard, but not like this! Admittedly, I may end up needing some help to get it done before long (learn when to ask for help!), but I’ve been studying and working at it. I know more about building a website now than I did before. So, that’s progress toward a goal.

The point being that I don’t have to do this newsletter / blog. It isn’t part of my work responsibilities. The main benefit is my own personal development, in my thinking and writing, in technical skills, and in being able to pass something of value along to others.

If I didn’t do this, I would have more time for watching Netflix. So then.
 

Take some risks

This is related to stretching your comfort zone, but not exactly the same. You can stretch yourself and try something hard without it representing much of an actual risk. 

Learning to play the guitar may be hard, but there’s not much risk to it. That is, unless you decide to join a band and get up on the stage at a club. Yeah, I can see some risks to that.

Risk involves something that has potential benefit, but also potential or inherent danger or downside. It doesn’t have to be something major or life threatening. You don’t have to wrestle a python or become a test pilot in order to take a risk. In fact, it may not involve physical danger at all.

Risk may be physical, but also professional, relational, social, financial, etc. 

Risk doesn’t have to be an end in itself, but ideally can serve some larger purpose as part of your life expectancy.

Probably the biggest risk I have taken was a number of years ago when I was about 45. I had been serving for many years as pastor of adult ministries in a sizeable church, a position that I liked and knew well. It would have been easy to stay on, or to look for something similar or that would be a natural stepping stone to advancement.

Instead, I had the opportunity to serve as regional director with a small, but nationwide, campus ministry organization. I had never worked in campus ministry before. And what is more, this position didn’t come with a salary–I had to raise my own support from donors to the ministry. This involved basically becoming a salesman, convincing others of the value of the ministry and of what I would be doing.

Understand–I was 45 years old, with two kids, ages 9 and 13 at the time. I left a reasonably well-paying position for something that seemed like, well, a big risk. But I was convinced of the importance and value of the new role, and believed strongly that it was what I should do.

And it was hard, and there was risk.

Raising support was not easy, but I did it. The networking I did for the role was not easy, but I did it. We had several significant successes, and added some key people, in ways that in the long-term contributed to establishing the ministry for a solid future.

I was only with that organization for three or four years, when it morphed into a position with another organization in the Portland area. Meanwhile, I sought out the opportunity to do some adjunct teaching. Once I got started with that, it led to other opportunities. Before long I was teaching or advising at three different institutions in the Portland area, and teaching online for an out-of-state university with a very large and well-known online program.

Ultimately, these different roles and opportunities segued into a full time academic administrator position with a nationally known doctoral program at George Fox University, where I have been since 2008. I’ve had amazing experiences in this role, and have developed a network of colleagues around the world.

None of this would have happened if I had not taken the risk. I probably would have left that church for something else eventually. But if I had I gone to something safer, I would not have grown and had the experiences I’ve had over the years.

Now, taking a risk doesn’t require quitting your job.

It doesn’t mean going mountain climbing or kayaking waterfalls (although it might).

But a risk might involve something unexpected, something with potential upside and downside–which it is depends on what you make of it. It might be a big risk. Or it might just be a small one. But do be willing to risk from time to time.
 

So, what do you expect?

What is your Life Expectancy? Most of you reading this are at some point of mid-life. No one knows the days or years that remain. 

What are you expecting? What are you doing to realize those expectations? I hope you will take control of your own narrative, and tell the story of your life the way you want it to be.

Related posts:

https://cliffordberger.com/what-do-i-mean-by-life-and-style/

https://cliffordberger.com/how-to-leave-a-legacy/

Social Security Administration Life Expectancy Calculator:

https://www.ssa.gov/oact/population/longevity.html

Everything is connected

Why does time pass so quickly? I like to think about larger issues of the passage of time, and the way things connect. This awareness helps us better navigate the transitions of our adult development. Some of you will find these posts interesting, and others may look forward to more practical content. “All in good time, my dear, all in good time…”

Those who know me are aware that I’m a student of history. It is a personal interest as well as a professional one. Part of my graduate work was in history, and I teach a course in History of the United States in the 20th Century for adult degree students at George Fox University. My top “Strength Finders” characteristic is “Context.” All my life I have been interested in the past, and how it informs the present and even the future. Like reading a map, we don’t know where we’re going if we don’t know how we got to where we are. I like to think about what life was like for people in earlier times, and how their choices affect our lives today. It makes me think of how our own choices will affect the lives of future generations.

The importance of Context

Many of you are familiar with the StrengthsFinder personality assessment. This focuses on capitalizing on your strength areas, not trying to fix your weaker ones. My number one personal strength is “Context.” The definition for this is someone who, well, likes history (it’s a thing, and there’s a NAME for it!). Actually, not just history per se, but the ability to make connections from the past as part of my leadership and strategic thinking. By looking back, a Context person sees connections, patterns, and blueprints emerge. Seeing how these things inform the present, I gain confidence and perspective for current decision-making. I think about how we became who we are, and likewise, who we will become in the future. 

So, you need to know that about me, as you’ll find that I often make references to history, time, and how lessons from the past inform the present. I can’t help myself!

With that in mind, I have a question for you:

Do you ever wonder why time seems to pass so quickly? The older you get, the faster it seems to go. I think about this a lot, and there are reasons for it. Time does not actually move faster, of course, but our perception of time changes as we age.

One way to look at it is this…

When you were ten years old, a year represented just one tenth of your life experience, and you don’t even remember the first several years. No wonder a year seemed so long at that age. A summer seemed like a year, remember? I remember watching the clock in my fifth grade classroom, yearning for the end of the school day. The minutes seemed like hours! Now, a whole morning can fly by at work, and I wonder where the time went.

Later, at twenty, a year was one-twentieth of your total experience. Time passed differently, faster than when you were a kid. At twenty, a year seems like a lot, but it goes faster than it used to.

At fifty, well, a year starts to feel small (and more so at 60, trust me). And yet, you start to feel the weight of the reality that you have fewer of them left, and each year seems more precious.

Another way to look at it..

Count backward the years of your current age.

I, for example, was born in 1957. So I have a personal memory of the last sixty or so years of history. On one hand, that time has passed quickly. On another, it is actually a pretty long time.

If I go back another 62 years from 1957, it takes me to the year 1895! Wow, I’m only two of my lifetimes removed from the 1890’s. Talk about being stuck in the 90s–the 1890s.

Then, if I go back yet another 62 years from 1895, I’m in the year 1833. Like a time machine! Andrew Jackson was president, the telegraph didn’t yet exist, and the first railroad tracks had been laid only three years before. Think of that–I am only three of my lifetimes removed from 1833, and I have a personal recollection of nearly a third of that time. Somehow that puts the passage of time in a different light, doesn’t it?

Try it yourself. Even if you are only 40 years old, counting back three of your lifetimes would take you 120 years back to the year 1900. Ok, maybe I beat you at 1833, but you get the idea. 120 years is still a pretty long time. Your lifetime to this point is in fact a long time, even if it seems to have gone quickly. And it will seem to go more quickly with each year that passes.

So think about it, whatever your age, and put your own life in the context of the way we perceive time. The COVID-19 crisis reminds us of the fragility of life. Life comes with no guarantees. Adjust to the idea that life seems to go faster with time. We live each day, not in the past, not in the future, but now, in the present. We can’t slow time down, but we can be mindful of how we are using it. Our lives are long, on the one hand, and yet they pass so swiftly by.

How are you living yours, and are you living it as the best version of yourself? 

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Related posts

Life expectancy

How you can get better with age